My world

I just wrote a really long journal entry on my deviantArt account, and I was so pleased with it that I decided to copy most of it and publish it here. It's a bit of a looking into my world and how I work on it, since I've started semi-writing again. And I say semi-writing, cause technically I haven't actually opened up a document and started properly writing on the actual stories. I'm doing scribbles, and taking notes. And that, I count as semi-writing.
But, yeah, it's all about this world of mine that is so important to me. So, I've decided to let you in on a couple of secrets about it.

My world...

I've been working on this world of mine ever since I was a little girl. Yeah, that means that well over 20 years is how long I've been working on it. And I never stop working. It's my life, this world of mine, and I can't exist without it. It's what made me who I am. I grew up in this world, so it's basically my childhood home, and it means everything to me. The people there are my friends and my family, and they're as real and precious to me as anyone else in my life. Honestly, some of them even means more to me than my real life friends. They've been with me for so long, and they've always had my back in a way. They've literally saved my life more than once, so I can honestly say that if it hadn't been for them, or that world, I'd be dead. Til the day I die, they'll be my faithful companions.

Where does it all come from? I have no idea. It all just come to me out of the blue, and I scribble it all down. It's not like I sat down one day and decided to create a world that contains countless dimensions and people and stories and all that. I've never really had a choice in the matter. When I was a little girl, my one and only truest friend, Elizabeth (my "imaginary" friend), told me about this world. And I simply decided to write it all down. That's how it all started, and now I simply can't stop. Sometimes I get these kinds of visions, if you can call them that, where I suddenly "see" this world in my mind, and I just have tons of information about it, so I scribble it all down and just accept that this is another part of this world of mine. Without exception, that's how it works. That's how things come to be in my work.

As for the people inhabiting this world, they come to me in different ways. Now, what a lot of people don't know about me (unless you're a regular reader of this blogg) is that I'm diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder. Haha, surprise, I'm not just me! XD It's been a problem all my life, cause 90% of the time, I've had no control over it. I was aware of it, but I couldn't control it (for the record, now I can). What I could do, however, was take advantage of it. Actually, three specific characters of mine are directly based on me and my common other selves. I have a set of specific personalities that have always been a part of me, and we've kind of come to see eachother as different sides of the same object. Or different people all stuck in the same body. Or somethign like that. Whatever. But there have been others. I have days where I suddenly just disappear, and someone else takes my place (and it's not one of the common ones). My personality changes, and that person changes the way I dress, and talk, and what I like, and even my name. When they look in the mirror, they don't see my face, but a different one. And I scribble them down when they visit me, and I write them into my stories.
Sometimes I just get vibes. I am something that's called a High-Sensitive. I'm very sensitive to supernatural things, and energy. And I tend to absorb energy that floats around me, and that affects me. If I'm in the room with a lot of bubbly people, then I'll get affected by their energy and become bubbly myself (it's not an uncommon thing, so I'm far from the only one this happens to). It's not enough to change my personality, but it does get affected by it. But what makes it uncommon is that this can often happen when I'm alone. I suddenly get these vibes, as if I'm absorbing the energy of someone else, and it just puts an image in my head of a person that I scribble down. And then I take those scribbles and write them into my stories as actual people. That's basically 99% of how all my characters came to be. So, everything in this world of mine are things that has popped out of the blue. I never sat down and created it. It just came to me.

Yeah, I used to be afraid to tell people this, cause they all saw me as a kind of freak, but I've gotten to the point in my life where I just don't care about that anymore. I like me for who I am, and I'm proud to be the freak that is me. X3
I know this is a long ramble so far of random information, but I do have a point to all this. I'm not just telling you my most important secret for no reason. ;p

Crazy or not, to me this is all very real. My world is real, and the people in it are real, and my work around it is everything to me. It's my most important treasure in life. And every now and then I meet people I care so deeply about, that I want to write them into my world. My world being everything to me, writing someone into it is basically declaring to them that they're really, really important to me. And once you're a part of my world, there's no escaping it! XD As I said, in an earlier entry of mine, I swore I'd never change any of my stories. What happened in my world is an important part of it's development, so I don't want to change it. But, as you may know, I reached a decision a short while ago to do just that. And now I'm gonna ellaborate on why.

One of the people I wrote into my world is my ex. I met her when I was 12 or so, and we immediately became friends. She welcomed my world and accepted it without question, and it was natural that she was to be a part of it. She contributed a lot to it on a daily basis. And I fell in love with her almost right off the bat. Up until I was 18, we worked on this together almost every day, so a lot of the stories include elements that is all from her. We had a major falling out when I was 18, and I moved out of town. It was no ones fault, the falling out, cause it was just that we had been almost sewn together and dependant on eachother for so many years that we needed to grow apart for a while. I never forgot about her, and I never stopped loving her, and I never stopped working on my world. Sure, the people and the worlds that were hers, they were pushed back and not worked on during those years, but everything else kept going forward. When we met up again, about 5 years later or so, we fell right back into old tracks, and kept working together. And we worked right up until things went boom on us again a couple of years ago. The difference between now and then is that back then I always knew and hoped that we'd get back together, so even though her part of the work was put on ice, it was never removed. She was still a part of my world. This time, on the other hand, I don't feel the same. She's gone, out of my life, and it's final. So what about all the things she contributed to my world? All the people and the stories? I can't really use them, not without her permission. It's just not right, and despite everything I still hold respect for her and her work. So, I've decided to do the one thing I swore I'd never do, and re-write things to remove all elements coming from her.

And this is where I've given myself a buttload of work all of a sudden, as previously mentioned! Cause, if I am to remove the people that were a pretty huge part of the stories, I have to replace them with someone else. And those someone else, I have to actually sit down and create. For the first time ever, I'm forcing people into existence. I'm creating characters. And then remodelling the story to fit them in. Can I just say: Holy crap, it's a lot more difficult than I could've possibly imagined! I've been going at it for a week now, and my head's buzzing from all the work. Sure, I use the original people that are now removed as key objects of inspiration while working, among other things, but it's still really hard. They have to be, after all, someone entirely different. Everything have to be different!

So, yeah, the point to all this rambling is that I've started working on my world again. Actively working on a daily basis, like I used to. You should see my desk! It's drowning in scribbles and notes and stuff I use for inspiration. It's tiresome and exhausting, and really, really difficult and different, but it's kind of a fun challenge. I'm pleased with what I have so far! And I'm hoping that I'll soon have the time and the energy to do more than just make scribbles, so I can start uploading some of that work of mine for you all to see. This year, I'll be more active on my deviantArt account again, which is basically the punchline for this entire entry. Once I have something more than just scribbles and notes, you'll get to see more of my work and it will contain a whole lot of new things. Hopefully new and exciting things! Haha!

Anyway, I hope you'll continue following this blog of mine, and that you'll follow me on deviantArt as well - you can find me heeeeeereeeeee - so I can share my work with you all. Thank you for everything so far, and thanks to all of you whom have actively shown your support, cause you've helped me way more than you'll ever know.

Have a fantastic day, my darlings~
Love you all!