I just wrote a really long journal entry on my deviantArt account, and I was so pleased with it that I decided to copy most of it and publish it here. It's a bit of a looking into my world and how I work on it, since I've started semi-writing again. And I say semi-writing, cause technically I haven't actually opened up a document and started properly writing on the actual stories. I'm doing scribbles, and taking notes. And that, I count as semi-writing.
But, yeah, it's all about this world of mine that is so important to me. So, I've decided to let you in on a couple of secrets about it.
My world...
I've been working on this world of mine ever since I was a little girl.
Yeah, that means that well over 20 years is how long I've been working on it. And I
never stop working. It's my life, this world of mine, and I can't exist
without it. It's what made me who I am. I grew up in this world, so it's
basically my childhood home, and it means everything to me. The people
there are my friends and my family, and they're as real and precious to
me as anyone else in my life. Honestly, some of them even means more to
me than my real life friends. They've been with me for so long, and
they've always had my back in a way. They've literally saved my life
more than once, so I can honestly say that if it hadn't been for them,
or that world, I'd be dead. Til the day I die, they'll be my faithful
companions.
Where does it all come from? I have no idea. It all
just come to me out of the blue, and I scribble it all down. It's not
like I sat down one day and decided to create a world that contains
countless dimensions and people and stories and all that. I've never
really had a choice in the matter. When I was a little girl, my one and
only truest friend, Elizabeth (my "imaginary" friend), told me about
this world. And I simply decided to write it all down. That's how it
all started, and now I simply can't stop. Sometimes I get these kinds of
visions, if you can call them that, where I suddenly "see" this world in
my mind, and I just have tons of information about it, so I scribble it all
down and just accept that this is another part of this world of mine.
Without exception, that's how it works. That's how things come to be in my work.
As for the people
inhabiting this world, they come to me in different ways. Now, what a
lot of people don't know about me (unless you're a regular reader of this blogg) is that I'm diagnosed with a Multiple
Personality Disorder. Haha, surprise, I'm not just me! XD It's been a
problem all my life, cause 90% of the time, I've had no control over it.
I was aware of it, but I couldn't control it (for the record, now I
can). What I could do, however, was take advantage of it.
Actually, three specific characters of mine are directly based on me and
my common other selves. I have a set of specific personalities that
have always been a part of me, and we've kind of come to see eachother
as different sides of the same object. Or different people all stuck in the same body. Or somethign like that. Whatever. But there have been others. I
have days where I suddenly just disappear, and someone else takes my
place (and it's not one of the common ones). My personality changes, and
that person changes the way I dress, and talk, and what I like, and
even my name. When they look in the mirror, they don't see my face, but a
different one. And I scribble them down when they visit me, and I write
them into my stories.
Sometimes I just get vibes. I am something
that's called a High-Sensitive. I'm very sensitive to supernatural
things, and energy. And I tend to absorb energy that floats around me,
and that affects me. If I'm in the room with a lot of bubbly people,
then I'll get affected by their energy and become bubbly myself (it's
not an uncommon thing, so I'm far from the only one this happens to).
It's not enough to change my personality, but it does get affected
by it. But what makes it uncommon is that this can often happen when I'm alone. I suddenly get these
vibes, as if I'm absorbing the energy of someone else, and it just puts
an image in my head of a person that I scribble down. And then I take those scribbles and write them into my stories as actual people. That's
basically 99% of how all my characters came to be. So, everything in
this world of mine are things that has popped out of the blue. I never
sat down and created it. It just came to me.
Yeah, I used to be
afraid to tell people this, cause they all saw me as a kind of freak,
but I've gotten to the point in my life where I just don't care about
that anymore. I like me for who I am, and I'm proud to be the freak that
is me. X3
I know this is a long ramble so far of random information,
but I do have a point to all this. I'm not just telling you my most
important secret for no reason. ;p
Crazy or not, to me this is
all very real. My world is real, and the people in it are real, and my
work around it is everything to me. It's my most important treasure in
life. And every now and then I meet people I care so deeply about, that I
want to write them into my world. My world being everything to me,
writing someone into it is basically declaring to them that they're
really, really important to me. And once you're a part of my world,
there's no escaping it! XD As I said, in an earlier entry of mine, I swore I'd never change any of my
stories. What happened in my world is an important part of it's
development, so I don't want to change it. But, as you may know, I reached a decision a short while ago to do just that. And now I'm gonna ellaborate on why.
One of the people I wrote into my
world is my ex. I met her when I was 12 or so, and we immediately became
friends. She welcomed my world and accepted it without question, and it
was natural that she was to be a part of it. She contributed a lot to
it on a daily basis. And I fell in love with her almost right off the
bat. Up until I was 18, we worked on this together almost every day, so a
lot of the stories include elements that is all from her. We had a
major falling out when I was 18, and I moved out of town. It was no ones
fault, the falling out, cause it was just that we had been almost sewn
together and dependant on eachother for so many years that we needed to
grow apart for a while. I never forgot about her, and I never stopped
loving her, and I never stopped working on my world. Sure, the people
and the worlds that were hers, they were pushed back and not worked on
during those years, but everything else kept going forward. When we met
up again, about 5 years later or so, we fell right back into old tracks,
and kept working together. And we worked right up until things went
boom on us again a couple of years ago. The difference between now and
then is that back then I always knew and hoped that we'd get back
together, so even though her part of the work was put on ice, it was
never removed. She was still a part of my world. This time, on the other
hand, I don't feel the same. She's gone, out of my life, and it's
final. So what about all the things she contributed to my world? All the
people and the stories? I can't really use them, not without her
permission. It's just not right, and despite everything I still hold
respect for her and her work. So, I've decided to do the one thing I
swore I'd never do, and re-write things to remove all elements coming
from her.
And this is where I've given myself a buttload of work
all of a sudden, as previously mentioned! Cause, if I am to remove the people that were a pretty
huge part of the stories, I have to replace them with someone else. And
those someone else, I have to actually sit down and create. For the
first time ever, I'm forcing people into existence. I'm
creating characters. And then remodelling the story to fit them in.
Can I just say: Holy crap, it's a lot more difficult than I could've possibly imagined! I've
been going at it for a week now, and my head's buzzing from all the
work. Sure, I use the original people that are now removed as key
objects of inspiration while working, among other things, but it's still
really hard. They have to be, after all, someone entirely different. Everything have to be different!
So,
yeah, the point to all this rambling is that I've started working on my
world again. Actively working on a daily basis, like I used to. You
should see my desk! It's drowning in scribbles and notes and stuff I use
for inspiration. It's tiresome and exhausting, and really, really
difficult and different, but it's kind of a fun challenge. I'm pleased
with what I have so far! And I'm hoping that I'll soon have the time and
the energy to do more than just make scribbles, so I can start
uploading some of that work of mine for you all to see. This year, I'll
be more active on my deviantArt account again, which is basically the punchline for this entire entry. Once I have something more than just scribbles and notes, you'll get to see more of my work and it will contain a whole lot of new things. Hopefully new and exciting things! Haha!
Anyway, I hope you'll continue following this blog of mine, and that you'll follow me on deviantArt as well - you can find me heeeeeereeeeee - so I can share my work with you all. Thank you for everything so far, and thanks to all of you whom have actively shown your support, cause you've helped me way more than you'll ever know.
Have a fantastic day, my darlings~
Love you all!
søndag 26. januar 2014
søndag 19. januar 2014
Sunday ramblings and decisions
I'm really zombiefied today. For the first time in ages, I actually had a nightmare this morning. And yeah, I say this morning cause I had a really hard time falling asleep. Last time I checked the clock it was 4:30 AM... But yes, nightmare. Can't even remember the last time I had one, so I feel somewhat out of it now.
Some years ago, I had this guy that was kind of stalking me. He never really did anything bad towards me. He just made me really uncomfortable, to the point where others even reacted, and so my biological father told him to fuck off. Haven't seen him since. And then this morning, I had a nightmare about him. At first he was just following me around, but then he started chasing me. And I was really, really scared! I tried screaming for help, but as it is in dreams, when you try to scream your throat swells up and you can't make a sound. I kept running, through stores and whatnot, trying to push things over so he'd trip and get slowed down. And I kept changing. The more scared I got, the more I changed into someone else. A person I used to be several years ago that was anxious and afraid all the time. And I was terrified! When I finally saw some police cars, I was crying hysterically and trying to get their attention so they'd save me.
I woke myself up by actually whimpering out loud in my sleep cause I was crying so hard in the dream. And for a moment or two, I was really, really uncomfortable and unsure of who I was. I managed to shake the feeling off pretty fast, but it was still really uncomfortable. Now I'm really, really exhausted, mentally.
But I suppose it'll get better once I wake up more properly.
*insert coffee-sipping sounds here*
My membership papers from The Norwegian Fibromyalgia Association arrived the other day. I was as excited as a little kid when I opened them up and started looking through it all, thinking that this is a good thing and it will help me. But after a while, after I had been reading one of the small booklets that came with the papers, I just started crying. It just became so real.
I'm still struggling with accepting this diagnose. I'm still kind of in denial, thinking that things may be bad right now, but I'll find a cure and then magically I'll be okay again. So, reading all the tips on how to deal with the days to come, since they won't be the same from now on, it just punched me in the face. This isn't going away. There's no magical cure that can fix it. This is my life now. And that... Is just really hard to swallow.
I know I need to accept this. I need to accept it, find a way to handle it, and move forward and learn how to live with it. I know that. And I will do so. It'll just take me a while to get there. To get ready for accepting this. The steps up to that point are hard ones.
Then there's also the fact that I'm totally PMSing and oversensitive these days, so haha.
Anywho!
Guess what I bought myself as a birthday present!
A friggin Wii U special Premium Pack with Wind Waker HD!
It's the most awesome thing in the entire universe. You know what I named it? WiiUtiful. Haha! Best. Name. Ever. And, omg, it really is beautiful! I don't regret for a single second that I bought it. Totally made myself the happiest person in the world, I did. I spent almost all of yesterday just sqealing over it and setting it up. Right now, it's the most amazing console I've ever tried.
My sisters dropped by in the middle of setting it up, with a friend of theirs, cause one of them had a birthdaypresent for me, and when they left, the other sister just stayed behind. We were going to finish setting up the Wii U and just relax, but that plan totally changed. It usually does, when me and her spend an evening together.
I mentioned that I wanted to do some rearranging in the livingroom, and after talking a bit, we just went berserk and completely rearranged it! It took us two hours of laughing and moving stuff around, but the place looks completely different now. I moved the desk to the other side of the room, creating a new office corner for myself, and placed the TV where the desk used to be and made an actual TV corner, dividing the room into two using the couch. It looks great! I'm really, really pleased.
After that we made pizza and set up Netflix on my gorgeous WiiUtiful, and spent the rest of the evening watching a movie. It was really nice and cozy after a lot of work, so I'm really satisfied with the entire evening.
Then I had a rather surprising comment waiting on me when I went to do the last checkings online before turning off the computer. I'm pretty sure it was meant to make me feel bad, and it really should've affected me pretty negatively. But it didn't. The first second, when I saw who it was from, my stomach fell, yes, but as I read it I couldn't help but smile and laugh. It made me realize a couple of things about certain people, and how they live in their own imaginary world of how things are. And as I closed the window and turned off the computer, I just shook my head. Okay, good for you for believing that that's the way it is. I'm sure it makes you happy, and I'm glad. And now I feel 100% free of any last traces of guilt I possibly could've had. My mind is at ease, I feel truly and honestly content and happy, and I'm just smiling. That comment chopped off the last strings tying me up, so it really just did me a favour. Thanks!
No, really. Thanks. I can't even remember the last time I felt this free.
And it's a fantastic feeling.
Then I snuggled in under my blanket and played with my WiiUtiful! My gawd, that thing is gorgeous. I made some Miis, checked out some of the features, downloaded Wind Waker HD, and then tried out the game a bit before going to sleep. It's so frigging amaziiiing! I swear, I had to bite my tongue to keep from sqealing and waking the neighbours. Best. Buy. Ever!
I plan to do some more fondling today, when I've done a bit of tidying up.
Heh, the place is a mess right now, after all the rearranging.
And, also, I've made a decision that has left me quite a lot of work I want to start on.
I've decided to do something I never, ever thought I'd do. I swore to myself that no matter what, I'd never do it. But while trying to fall asleep last night, I got to thinking, and that's when I decided. I'm going to rewrite my stories.
It's a pretty tough decision, cause, as I said, I swore I'd never change them, cause these stories are such an important part of my past, but I think it's the right thing to do if I'm going to keep writing unhindered. I'm going to remove a lot of characters, names and places, and even events, and replace them with others. The reason for this is that even though the largest part of my stories and the people in it all come from, there are certain other elements that comes from someone else. And out of respect to that someone, I'll remove all elements coming from that person. It just doesn't feel right using them.
It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, and I'm a bit torn about it. On one side, it makes me sad, cause a lot of the people in my stories that I'll now be removing are people I love very dearly. From the bottom of my heart, I love them, and I know I always will love them. They mean the world to me. So it's sad to replace them, and in a way it's wrong to do that to them - you know, writing out all the things they did, and the impact they had on me - but if I am going to continue writing, I have no other choice. The one upside of this, however, is that this leaves me 100% in control. Everything in my stories will now come from me, and I can change things that didn't flow as well, to make it more reasonable to others that can't see inside my head. I'll still know the true stories, in my heart, and I'll always treasure them, but if I'm ever going to make reality of them and maybe even publish something, then they need this change.
But this has left me while a big pile of OMFGloads of work. The worst part is that I now have to sit down and forcefully create a bunch of characters, which is something I've never done. All the people in my stories are ones that has just dropped in on me and asked to be a part of my life. I've never created a character on purpose before. It feels a bit false, actually. Like they won't be real people, like the others. They'll be just simple characters with no soul. And that feels weird. But it's a challenge, and I'm gonna take it and make the best out of it.
So now I'm gonna sit down and get something to eat, and another cup of coffee, and see if I can't make myself some useful notes. Maybe this'll help me focus more on my work, so I suppose this is just a really good thing.
It's hard not to stay positive, haha.
Have a fantastic day, my darlings! Love you all~
Some years ago, I had this guy that was kind of stalking me. He never really did anything bad towards me. He just made me really uncomfortable, to the point where others even reacted, and so my biological father told him to fuck off. Haven't seen him since. And then this morning, I had a nightmare about him. At first he was just following me around, but then he started chasing me. And I was really, really scared! I tried screaming for help, but as it is in dreams, when you try to scream your throat swells up and you can't make a sound. I kept running, through stores and whatnot, trying to push things over so he'd trip and get slowed down. And I kept changing. The more scared I got, the more I changed into someone else. A person I used to be several years ago that was anxious and afraid all the time. And I was terrified! When I finally saw some police cars, I was crying hysterically and trying to get their attention so they'd save me.
I woke myself up by actually whimpering out loud in my sleep cause I was crying so hard in the dream. And for a moment or two, I was really, really uncomfortable and unsure of who I was. I managed to shake the feeling off pretty fast, but it was still really uncomfortable. Now I'm really, really exhausted, mentally.
But I suppose it'll get better once I wake up more properly.
*insert coffee-sipping sounds here*
My membership papers from The Norwegian Fibromyalgia Association arrived the other day. I was as excited as a little kid when I opened them up and started looking through it all, thinking that this is a good thing and it will help me. But after a while, after I had been reading one of the small booklets that came with the papers, I just started crying. It just became so real.
I'm still struggling with accepting this diagnose. I'm still kind of in denial, thinking that things may be bad right now, but I'll find a cure and then magically I'll be okay again. So, reading all the tips on how to deal with the days to come, since they won't be the same from now on, it just punched me in the face. This isn't going away. There's no magical cure that can fix it. This is my life now. And that... Is just really hard to swallow.
I know I need to accept this. I need to accept it, find a way to handle it, and move forward and learn how to live with it. I know that. And I will do so. It'll just take me a while to get there. To get ready for accepting this. The steps up to that point are hard ones.
Then there's also the fact that I'm totally PMSing and oversensitive these days, so haha.
Anywho!
Guess what I bought myself as a birthday present!
A friggin Wii U special Premium Pack with Wind Waker HD!
It's the most awesome thing in the entire universe. You know what I named it? WiiUtiful. Haha! Best. Name. Ever. And, omg, it really is beautiful! I don't regret for a single second that I bought it. Totally made myself the happiest person in the world, I did. I spent almost all of yesterday just sqealing over it and setting it up. Right now, it's the most amazing console I've ever tried.
My sisters dropped by in the middle of setting it up, with a friend of theirs, cause one of them had a birthdaypresent for me, and when they left, the other sister just stayed behind. We were going to finish setting up the Wii U and just relax, but that plan totally changed. It usually does, when me and her spend an evening together.
I mentioned that I wanted to do some rearranging in the livingroom, and after talking a bit, we just went berserk and completely rearranged it! It took us two hours of laughing and moving stuff around, but the place looks completely different now. I moved the desk to the other side of the room, creating a new office corner for myself, and placed the TV where the desk used to be and made an actual TV corner, dividing the room into two using the couch. It looks great! I'm really, really pleased.
After that we made pizza and set up Netflix on my gorgeous WiiUtiful, and spent the rest of the evening watching a movie. It was really nice and cozy after a lot of work, so I'm really satisfied with the entire evening.
Then I had a rather surprising comment waiting on me when I went to do the last checkings online before turning off the computer. I'm pretty sure it was meant to make me feel bad, and it really should've affected me pretty negatively. But it didn't. The first second, when I saw who it was from, my stomach fell, yes, but as I read it I couldn't help but smile and laugh. It made me realize a couple of things about certain people, and how they live in their own imaginary world of how things are. And as I closed the window and turned off the computer, I just shook my head. Okay, good for you for believing that that's the way it is. I'm sure it makes you happy, and I'm glad. And now I feel 100% free of any last traces of guilt I possibly could've had. My mind is at ease, I feel truly and honestly content and happy, and I'm just smiling. That comment chopped off the last strings tying me up, so it really just did me a favour. Thanks!
No, really. Thanks. I can't even remember the last time I felt this free.
And it's a fantastic feeling.
Then I snuggled in under my blanket and played with my WiiUtiful! My gawd, that thing is gorgeous. I made some Miis, checked out some of the features, downloaded Wind Waker HD, and then tried out the game a bit before going to sleep. It's so frigging amaziiiing! I swear, I had to bite my tongue to keep from sqealing and waking the neighbours. Best. Buy. Ever!
I plan to do some more fondling today, when I've done a bit of tidying up.
Heh, the place is a mess right now, after all the rearranging.
And, also, I've made a decision that has left me quite a lot of work I want to start on.
I've decided to do something I never, ever thought I'd do. I swore to myself that no matter what, I'd never do it. But while trying to fall asleep last night, I got to thinking, and that's when I decided. I'm going to rewrite my stories.
It's a pretty tough decision, cause, as I said, I swore I'd never change them, cause these stories are such an important part of my past, but I think it's the right thing to do if I'm going to keep writing unhindered. I'm going to remove a lot of characters, names and places, and even events, and replace them with others. The reason for this is that even though the largest part of my stories and the people in it all come from, there are certain other elements that comes from someone else. And out of respect to that someone, I'll remove all elements coming from that person. It just doesn't feel right using them.
It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, and I'm a bit torn about it. On one side, it makes me sad, cause a lot of the people in my stories that I'll now be removing are people I love very dearly. From the bottom of my heart, I love them, and I know I always will love them. They mean the world to me. So it's sad to replace them, and in a way it's wrong to do that to them - you know, writing out all the things they did, and the impact they had on me - but if I am going to continue writing, I have no other choice. The one upside of this, however, is that this leaves me 100% in control. Everything in my stories will now come from me, and I can change things that didn't flow as well, to make it more reasonable to others that can't see inside my head. I'll still know the true stories, in my heart, and I'll always treasure them, but if I'm ever going to make reality of them and maybe even publish something, then they need this change.
But this has left me while a big pile of OMFGloads of work. The worst part is that I now have to sit down and forcefully create a bunch of characters, which is something I've never done. All the people in my stories are ones that has just dropped in on me and asked to be a part of my life. I've never created a character on purpose before. It feels a bit false, actually. Like they won't be real people, like the others. They'll be just simple characters with no soul. And that feels weird. But it's a challenge, and I'm gonna take it and make the best out of it.
So now I'm gonna sit down and get something to eat, and another cup of coffee, and see if I can't make myself some useful notes. Maybe this'll help me focus more on my work, so I suppose this is just a really good thing.
It's hard not to stay positive, haha.
Have a fantastic day, my darlings! Love you all~
torsdag 16. januar 2014
Disclaimers and birthdays
This is my personal blog, where I write about my personal views and opinions, personal experiences, and personal feelings, all seen from my point of view. If you are offended by anything I write here, then I sincerely apologize that you decided to read a blog that don't mix well with your personal feelings. Tough luck, love.
Hey, this is meant to be an honest blog, after all. Now, for the record, I will never mention actual names, especially if I'm talking about something negative (I will mention names, however, if I want to give someone positive attention cause they deserve it), cause I'm not one for pointing direct fingers like that, but I am entitled to write whatever the hell I want considering that this is my blog. Sure, when I talk about people in my entries, if you know me very well you might be able to guess who I'm talking about, but if you don't know me then I find it highly unlikely that you'll know who it is. If you read something I've written and find it offensive cause you feel like it's about you, then congratulations. Either you're right, and you've made enough imprint on me for me to feel something about it and decide to write it down, or you think way too highly of yourself. Either way, remember that this is my blog. It's kind of like a diary, only that I let others read it. If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that.
The reason for this random blurb is that I had a rather rude encounter the other day. Someone came up to me and accused me of hanging someone online, making fun of them and talking trash about them all over the internet, and it left me wondering what the eff was wrong with that certain someone. Firstly, you don't do something like that in the middle of town, out of the blue, cause it's rude and disrespectful, and secondly, get your friggin facts straight before you accuse people.
I know what's the actual reason behind the accusations, and I just got to say that it's idiotic. I told the person very firmly that I have never "hanged" someone by their name in any way, nor have I done so "all over the internet" as claimed. I have talked about my feelings regarding certain people, and how I personally perceive things that has happened, and I did so in my blog. Again, keyword here is my blog. And if people find what I feel offensive, then wow. You care way too much about what I feel, and you should sit down and figure exactly why my feelings matter so much to you. Just sayin'.
Okay?
Okay.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's move on to other things.
My birthday was yesterday!! =D
Wow. 29. One year older now, one year closer to 30 and the biggest celebration so far in this life of mine, and one full year of amazing experiences that has made me a year wiser. It's been another turbulent year, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I got to learn a lot of new things, mainly about myself, and I've walked quite far down this new path I started on a while back. I've had my ups and downs, but in general I've been happier than ever before. My smile is a genuine one, and proof that I'm generally a happier person, with a more positive attitude. Mainly because of what happened two years ago, of course. Killing off a part of myself was the best decision I've ever done, and I truly see the proof of that now. No regrets, my loves! No regrets!
Do I have any plans now that I've reached a new milestone in my life? Yeah, plenty!
First of all, I'm gonna keep following the original plan set for 2014, about focusing more on my inner world and see where that gets me. Secondly, I'm gonna kill off the last remains of an old fear. It's not that I'm afraid to be me and show people who I truly am, cause I'm really not. Not anymore. But the last remains of that fear is still lurking around, and it's trying to chain me at times. I don't like chains. Not when I'm not in control of them. So, those last remains needs to go. Permanently.
You know, I've already said that I have a good feeling about this year. It'll be a good one. But I also have a general good feeling about my next year of living. As in, from now and until my next birthday. When I reach the age of 30, I'll have reached the point in my life where I want to be. I just know it. I have a goal ahead of me, and I just know I'll be able to reach it this year. And that's a pretty awesome feeling to have.
I am confident, and have faith in myself.
And that alone will take me anywhere I want to go!
Hey, this is meant to be an honest blog, after all. Now, for the record, I will never mention actual names, especially if I'm talking about something negative (I will mention names, however, if I want to give someone positive attention cause they deserve it), cause I'm not one for pointing direct fingers like that, but I am entitled to write whatever the hell I want considering that this is my blog. Sure, when I talk about people in my entries, if you know me very well you might be able to guess who I'm talking about, but if you don't know me then I find it highly unlikely that you'll know who it is. If you read something I've written and find it offensive cause you feel like it's about you, then congratulations. Either you're right, and you've made enough imprint on me for me to feel something about it and decide to write it down, or you think way too highly of yourself. Either way, remember that this is my blog. It's kind of like a diary, only that I let others read it. If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that.
The reason for this random blurb is that I had a rather rude encounter the other day. Someone came up to me and accused me of hanging someone online, making fun of them and talking trash about them all over the internet, and it left me wondering what the eff was wrong with that certain someone. Firstly, you don't do something like that in the middle of town, out of the blue, cause it's rude and disrespectful, and secondly, get your friggin facts straight before you accuse people.
I know what's the actual reason behind the accusations, and I just got to say that it's idiotic. I told the person very firmly that I have never "hanged" someone by their name in any way, nor have I done so "all over the internet" as claimed. I have talked about my feelings regarding certain people, and how I personally perceive things that has happened, and I did so in my blog. Again, keyword here is my blog. And if people find what I feel offensive, then wow. You care way too much about what I feel, and you should sit down and figure exactly why my feelings matter so much to you. Just sayin'.
Okay?
Okay.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's move on to other things.
My birthday was yesterday!! =D
Wow. 29. One year older now, one year closer to 30 and the biggest celebration so far in this life of mine, and one full year of amazing experiences that has made me a year wiser. It's been another turbulent year, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I got to learn a lot of new things, mainly about myself, and I've walked quite far down this new path I started on a while back. I've had my ups and downs, but in general I've been happier than ever before. My smile is a genuine one, and proof that I'm generally a happier person, with a more positive attitude. Mainly because of what happened two years ago, of course. Killing off a part of myself was the best decision I've ever done, and I truly see the proof of that now. No regrets, my loves! No regrets!
Do I have any plans now that I've reached a new milestone in my life? Yeah, plenty!
First of all, I'm gonna keep following the original plan set for 2014, about focusing more on my inner world and see where that gets me. Secondly, I'm gonna kill off the last remains of an old fear. It's not that I'm afraid to be me and show people who I truly am, cause I'm really not. Not anymore. But the last remains of that fear is still lurking around, and it's trying to chain me at times. I don't like chains. Not when I'm not in control of them. So, those last remains needs to go. Permanently.
You know, I've already said that I have a good feeling about this year. It'll be a good one. But I also have a general good feeling about my next year of living. As in, from now and until my next birthday. When I reach the age of 30, I'll have reached the point in my life where I want to be. I just know it. I have a goal ahead of me, and I just know I'll be able to reach it this year. And that's a pretty awesome feeling to have.
I am confident, and have faith in myself.
And that alone will take me anywhere I want to go!
søndag 12. januar 2014
Partystop!
I know I wrote a little bit about this just before new years, but it's such an important thing that I feel like it should have an entire entry of its own.
Partying! Something I've done a lot of, and enjoy doing, and that I am putting a full stop on this year. I've mentioned this to people, and they just can't seem to take me seriously. People keep asking me to partyparty. Yeah, I get it, you know how much I used to party, so you find it silly that I say no, and of course I should make exceptions, in your opinion.
No. Just no.
When I say that I'm having a partystop, then I mean it. My birthday is next week, and I'm not even going to celebrate it. That's how serious I am about this partystop. And I will not make exceptions unless they were ones I set last year and promised to particiapate in - and for the record, this means that the only "parties" I'll be going to is my sisters' if they have one to celebrate their birthday, since they're my sisters, and my best friend's birthday party and halloween party, because it's tradition. But that's it. No parties at all this year.
Why?
I have fibromyalgia. That in itself isn't too bad, cause with the right treatement, I can learn to live with it. But the thing is, I still haven't started any kind of treatments, so I'm in constant pain 24/7 and absolutely nothing helps in making that pain go away. I've tried all kinds of painkillers, and nothing works. Nothing! Except from vast amounts of alcohol, cause that numbs out everything. And that's just one big nope.
Sure, if I drink enough when I'm out partying, my body will go numb, and I won't be in so much pain anymore, but firstly the pain will return twice as bad the next day, and it'll stay twice as bad for more than just one day of being hung over, and secondly that's a one way ticket to alcoholism. And that's just not worth it.
Oh, yeah, why can't I just not drink alcohol when I go to a party? Because pain, that's why. Whould you go to a lively party and sit among a bunch of drunk people when you're in extreme pain and feel dead tired? I really don't think so. I definitely know I won't!
I don't say this to be mean or rude or anything like that. I love my friends, I love partying with them, and I wish to the gods above I could partyparty all year whenever they ask me to. But I just can't. My body is a mess, and I've just started a massive cleanup on it, to try and fix that mess, and going out partying and getting drunk will just make matters worse. It's my body, my health, so it's my choice, and I think that if people care about me then they will respect that.
If I am, however, having a really, really great day, and I have a driver that can get me back and forth on a minute's notice, then sure. If it's an important party, and you want me to be there, then I can come and have a beer or two. But that's it. And only if I'm having a really, really great day. And then please don't ask me to stay longer if I say I want to go, cause then you're just exhausting me.
Just remember that I never know if I'll have a good day or not, so I can't give any notice in advance. And even if I'm having a good day, the smallest things can easily turn the day around for me, and suddenly make me feel like crap. I have absolutely no control over it whatsoever! And that's the honest truth.
I appreciate the invites. They mean a lot to me, cause it tells me that you like me and want me there. And yes, if whatever's in control of my pain allows it and things work out, then I might show up. Just, please, don't nag me about it. Don't demand an answer right away. And please, please, please don't be offended if I say no. It has nothing to do with you. I just have to focus on and prioritize my health. That's all there is.
But I wish all of YOU a great party-year, and I hope you have a lot of fun! Take an an extra drink or two for me, will ya?
Partying! Something I've done a lot of, and enjoy doing, and that I am putting a full stop on this year. I've mentioned this to people, and they just can't seem to take me seriously. People keep asking me to partyparty. Yeah, I get it, you know how much I used to party, so you find it silly that I say no, and of course I should make exceptions, in your opinion.
No. Just no.
When I say that I'm having a partystop, then I mean it. My birthday is next week, and I'm not even going to celebrate it. That's how serious I am about this partystop. And I will not make exceptions unless they were ones I set last year and promised to particiapate in - and for the record, this means that the only "parties" I'll be going to is my sisters' if they have one to celebrate their birthday, since they're my sisters, and my best friend's birthday party and halloween party, because it's tradition. But that's it. No parties at all this year.
Why?
I have fibromyalgia. That in itself isn't too bad, cause with the right treatement, I can learn to live with it. But the thing is, I still haven't started any kind of treatments, so I'm in constant pain 24/7 and absolutely nothing helps in making that pain go away. I've tried all kinds of painkillers, and nothing works. Nothing! Except from vast amounts of alcohol, cause that numbs out everything. And that's just one big nope.
Sure, if I drink enough when I'm out partying, my body will go numb, and I won't be in so much pain anymore, but firstly the pain will return twice as bad the next day, and it'll stay twice as bad for more than just one day of being hung over, and secondly that's a one way ticket to alcoholism. And that's just not worth it.
Oh, yeah, why can't I just not drink alcohol when I go to a party? Because pain, that's why. Whould you go to a lively party and sit among a bunch of drunk people when you're in extreme pain and feel dead tired? I really don't think so. I definitely know I won't!
I don't say this to be mean or rude or anything like that. I love my friends, I love partying with them, and I wish to the gods above I could partyparty all year whenever they ask me to. But I just can't. My body is a mess, and I've just started a massive cleanup on it, to try and fix that mess, and going out partying and getting drunk will just make matters worse. It's my body, my health, so it's my choice, and I think that if people care about me then they will respect that.
If I am, however, having a really, really great day, and I have a driver that can get me back and forth on a minute's notice, then sure. If it's an important party, and you want me to be there, then I can come and have a beer or two. But that's it. And only if I'm having a really, really great day. And then please don't ask me to stay longer if I say I want to go, cause then you're just exhausting me.
Just remember that I never know if I'll have a good day or not, so I can't give any notice in advance. And even if I'm having a good day, the smallest things can easily turn the day around for me, and suddenly make me feel like crap. I have absolutely no control over it whatsoever! And that's the honest truth.
I appreciate the invites. They mean a lot to me, cause it tells me that you like me and want me there. And yes, if whatever's in control of my pain allows it and things work out, then I might show up. Just, please, don't nag me about it. Don't demand an answer right away. And please, please, please don't be offended if I say no. It has nothing to do with you. I just have to focus on and prioritize my health. That's all there is.
But I wish all of YOU a great party-year, and I hope you have a lot of fun! Take an an extra drink or two for me, will ya?
fredag 10. januar 2014
Reflection
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
I'm not sure why, but there's always been something about mirrors. All my life, I've had this.. I don't even know what to call it. Fascination? Not quite. I just feel like there's something about them. Sometimes they do fascinate me, while other times they scare me. And certain times in my life, they've terrified me and left me shaking with fear. But most of the time they just get me curious. What is it about mirrors? Why do they always give me this odd feeling? Is it just me, or is this common?
My mum has told me that when I was a little kid and she lost me in town, she didn't really worry cause she just had to go to the nearest clothing store to find me again. I was always in the dressing room, in front of the mirror. Apparently I had a thing for watching myself in the mirror when I was a kid. Now, of course, I can't remember what that was like, cause it's a long time ago, but for as long as I actually can remember, I've had this issue where I can't see myself in the mirror.
I know that sounds weird, but it's true. The reflection I see in the mirror has never been me. Ever. That's one of the reasons for why I dye my hair and get tattoos and piercings and stuff that changes my appearance. I want to try and force the reflection to show ME. Now, if I were to look at this from a distance and think rationally, I'd say that it's just my perception of myself that has always been wrong, which could be true, yes. That is definitely a logical option. But that still doesn't change the fact that mirrors give me this weird feeling.
Most of you know that I've been completely bonkers in the past. I've had my periods where I've gone batshit crazy, and I don't deny that. I know I've had my problems, and that my sanity has been a bit wobbly. And during those periods, I couldn't stand looking into mirrors. It scared the crap outta me that I didn't see myself. That my reflection was someone else - someone I didn't even recognize. I remember at one point, when I lived with my ex, that she had to cover up all the mirrors in the house or I'd panic and break down. All because the woman that met my eyes in the mirror was someone I had no idea who was.
I also used to see things in the mirror. This was many years ago, when I lived in another town, and I had one of the worst periods of my life - mainly because no one knew about what was going on with me - and I lived by myself. I had kind of accepted that the woman in the mirror was someone else, so I was kind of dealing with it, but there were other things in there. Now, I never really saw the things properly, so I have no idea what kind of things they were, but they definitely weren't normal things to see in a mirror. There was a lot of things in that sentence, haha! Anyway...
I used to have this idea that mirrors were portals into other worlds. Not as in other dimensions, like in my stories, but like a different kind of frequency. I think that's why, in movies and such, people always see the ghosts and the monsters in the mirrors. You don't see them at first, but you can see their reflection. And then there's the legend about Bloody Mary, and many others like it. It's as if the mirrors show our world, but a different kind of version of it where the "supernatural" things exist. You know, ghosts and things like that. They all exist within our world, but on a different frequency, which explains why we can't see them. The mirrors, however, functions as a kind of window into that frequency. It helps us see the different version of our own world.
I don't know. It's one of my crazy theories.
But it's a fascinating theory.
The reason for this entry is because I had a strange experience the other day, with a mirror. Now, to others, it may not have been strange, but considering my general experience with mirrors, it was anything but common. I looked at my reflection, and there was a moment where it almost changed, and I actually saw myself. I saw the person I recognize as myself.
This is the first time that has ever happened to me. As I've already said, I've never seen my own reflection in the mirror. I've seen a lot of different women in there, some even looking like they weren't even human, but never myself. The woman I usually see on a daily basis looks like she could maybe be my sister or something. She looks similar to me, but she's not me. So, having that one moment where I actually saw myself, it was really weird. On one side, it was kind of scary, cause it has never happened before, but on the other side it felt really good.
Now, again, to look at this from a distance with a rational way of thinking, you could say that it's my perception of myself that's causing this. Maybe, for a moment, my perception of myself changed into what it should be, and that made me see myself, while on a daily basis that perception is off. I don't know. It sounds logical, and a part of me want to jump on that explanation, cause it's an easy explanation. But the rest of me... Well, we all know I'm not known for being a logical person with a normal views of things.
So, what is it about mirrors? Am I just bonkers in my own little way, with a fucked up perception of myself, or is there actually something else going on? Do I actually see what mirrors really are? And is it just me, or is this common? I can't help but wonder.
What is really there, behind our reflection? What do you guys see? Please feel free to share your thoughts on the subject with me, either in the comment section below, or through facebook or mail, or call me up and talk about it on the phone. I'd love to hear what you think about the matter. And I welcome all kinds of thoughts, be them rational ones about me just being bonkers, or "unrational" ones about mirrors actually being more than just something that's supposed to show our reflection.
Thanks for reading~
I'm not sure why, but there's always been something about mirrors. All my life, I've had this.. I don't even know what to call it. Fascination? Not quite. I just feel like there's something about them. Sometimes they do fascinate me, while other times they scare me. And certain times in my life, they've terrified me and left me shaking with fear. But most of the time they just get me curious. What is it about mirrors? Why do they always give me this odd feeling? Is it just me, or is this common?
My mum has told me that when I was a little kid and she lost me in town, she didn't really worry cause she just had to go to the nearest clothing store to find me again. I was always in the dressing room, in front of the mirror. Apparently I had a thing for watching myself in the mirror when I was a kid. Now, of course, I can't remember what that was like, cause it's a long time ago, but for as long as I actually can remember, I've had this issue where I can't see myself in the mirror.
I know that sounds weird, but it's true. The reflection I see in the mirror has never been me. Ever. That's one of the reasons for why I dye my hair and get tattoos and piercings and stuff that changes my appearance. I want to try and force the reflection to show ME. Now, if I were to look at this from a distance and think rationally, I'd say that it's just my perception of myself that has always been wrong, which could be true, yes. That is definitely a logical option. But that still doesn't change the fact that mirrors give me this weird feeling.
Most of you know that I've been completely bonkers in the past. I've had my periods where I've gone batshit crazy, and I don't deny that. I know I've had my problems, and that my sanity has been a bit wobbly. And during those periods, I couldn't stand looking into mirrors. It scared the crap outta me that I didn't see myself. That my reflection was someone else - someone I didn't even recognize. I remember at one point, when I lived with my ex, that she had to cover up all the mirrors in the house or I'd panic and break down. All because the woman that met my eyes in the mirror was someone I had no idea who was.
I also used to see things in the mirror. This was many years ago, when I lived in another town, and I had one of the worst periods of my life - mainly because no one knew about what was going on with me - and I lived by myself. I had kind of accepted that the woman in the mirror was someone else, so I was kind of dealing with it, but there were other things in there. Now, I never really saw the things properly, so I have no idea what kind of things they were, but they definitely weren't normal things to see in a mirror. There was a lot of things in that sentence, haha! Anyway...
I used to have this idea that mirrors were portals into other worlds. Not as in other dimensions, like in my stories, but like a different kind of frequency. I think that's why, in movies and such, people always see the ghosts and the monsters in the mirrors. You don't see them at first, but you can see their reflection. And then there's the legend about Bloody Mary, and many others like it. It's as if the mirrors show our world, but a different kind of version of it where the "supernatural" things exist. You know, ghosts and things like that. They all exist within our world, but on a different frequency, which explains why we can't see them. The mirrors, however, functions as a kind of window into that frequency. It helps us see the different version of our own world.
I don't know. It's one of my crazy theories.
But it's a fascinating theory.
The reason for this entry is because I had a strange experience the other day, with a mirror. Now, to others, it may not have been strange, but considering my general experience with mirrors, it was anything but common. I looked at my reflection, and there was a moment where it almost changed, and I actually saw myself. I saw the person I recognize as myself.
This is the first time that has ever happened to me. As I've already said, I've never seen my own reflection in the mirror. I've seen a lot of different women in there, some even looking like they weren't even human, but never myself. The woman I usually see on a daily basis looks like she could maybe be my sister or something. She looks similar to me, but she's not me. So, having that one moment where I actually saw myself, it was really weird. On one side, it was kind of scary, cause it has never happened before, but on the other side it felt really good.
Now, again, to look at this from a distance with a rational way of thinking, you could say that it's my perception of myself that's causing this. Maybe, for a moment, my perception of myself changed into what it should be, and that made me see myself, while on a daily basis that perception is off. I don't know. It sounds logical, and a part of me want to jump on that explanation, cause it's an easy explanation. But the rest of me... Well, we all know I'm not known for being a logical person with a normal views of things.
So, what is it about mirrors? Am I just bonkers in my own little way, with a fucked up perception of myself, or is there actually something else going on? Do I actually see what mirrors really are? And is it just me, or is this common? I can't help but wonder.
What is really there, behind our reflection? What do you guys see? Please feel free to share your thoughts on the subject with me, either in the comment section below, or through facebook or mail, or call me up and talk about it on the phone. I'd love to hear what you think about the matter. And I welcome all kinds of thoughts, be them rational ones about me just being bonkers, or "unrational" ones about mirrors actually being more than just something that's supposed to show our reflection.
Thanks for reading~
mandag 6. januar 2014
My social self
You know, people always assume that I am a very social person, for some reason. Apparently I just have one of those social faces or something, cause even strangers stop me in the middle of the street just to talk to me, for random reasons. And yes, that actually does happen a lot. Most of you might not think this weird, but I do. In all honesty, I'm not really a social person. I prefer to be on my own. Always have, probably always will.
I suppose it's because of the way I dress, and how I am around people. I know I dress in very bright and lively colours - a lot of the strangers that stop me do so just to compliment me on that - and I am always smiling when I'm out in public. I smile to people working at the stores I shop at, and I even smile at people that pass me on the street. And when I'm hanging out with people I know, I am cheerful and talkative, and when I'm partying I really let myself loose and just have fun with whomever I'm with. Out in the open, I suppose I am an extremely social and welcoming person. A lot of people tell me I could easily work in places that deal with customer service because of how I am, and the way I'm always smiling and being polite and respectful towards strangers. I suppose they're right.
But because of how I am out in the open, people tend to misunderstand the way I am. They think I'm like that all the time, and that I'm generally a very social person that has a lot of friends and likes hanging out a lot. And that's not true. I'm only social when I'm out and around people, and mostly that's because I've been raised to be a polite and respectful person, but also because I generally am very positive and cheerful and I like showing that when I'm around others. When I'm hanging out with people, I am social and an open person and I like having fun with others. When I'm not around other people, on the other hand, I'm kind of anti-social.
I rarely invite people over, cause my home is very private to me, and it's my safe-zone and my bubble. I'd rather not have anyone disturb that bubble, cause to me it's extremely important that I have that one safe place where I don't have to deal with anyone. I'm extremely introverted at times, and prefer to have a lot of time to myself. That's why it's really hard for me to live with anyone else, because I'm so dependent on that private time where no one else is around. I need to be able to sit for hours, talking to myself or the walls or the screen, just focusing on things that are important to me. Without that time, I'll go nuts.
I often get that "long time, no see! What happened since you dropped off the face of the earth?" kinds of comments when I see people that I haven't seen in a while, cause they can't seem to understand how such a social person as myself haven't kept in touch daily. I give them all sorts of excuses, mainly blaming my apartment and the renovations these days, because it's easier than trying to explain how I'm actually not a social person. Sure, if I'm out, and my mind is set on being around people and being social, then I really am social. But if my mind is not set on it, and I haven't had time to prepare myself for dealing with people, then being social just stresses me out to the point where I get really freaked out. I get anxious, I get irritated, I get exhausted, and often it makes me really depressed. It's hard for me to deal with people! Always has been, to the point where I've had to deal with severe social anxieties at times. It's better now, but it still leaves me anxious whenever I know I have to deal with people.
I just have to apologize, to the people that want to come over and hang out with me, cause I don't mean it to be rude or mean to people. I don't invite them over because I don't like them or don't want to hang out with them. It's not that. It's just that I need my private time, and my home is as private as can be. Seriously, if I invite anyone into my home, then it's pretty special! I honestly don't like having people over.
I prefer visiting others, but I do very little of that, unfortunately. That's mainly because it's difficult for me to get around since I don't have a car, and now it's extra difficult because of my health being what it is. I get tired very easily, and being around people drains me a lot. But, that being said, if I'm having a good day, and a way to get back and forth, then visiting others is not a problem for me. As I said, I prefer that. But what I prefer the most, is meeting up with people if I'm already out. Either meeting in town, having a coffee at a café or something, or if someone has invited people over for a social event - most likely a party. Cause, in those cases, my mind is already set on being social and meeting people, so my social self comes out to play.
My advice, to people in general, is that if they want to hang out with me they should invite me over, preferably a couple of days in advance so I get time to plan how to get back and forth and to have my mind set on being social, and not to expect too much in case I'm having a bad day. If they want to meet me in town, again, ask me a couple of days in advance, or at least the day before, so I can plan and get my mind set. I know I'm really bad at making contact with others, calling them or texting them, so it's wrong of me to expect others to always make that contact with me, and I wish I could say that I'd get better at it, but I know that I won't. That being said, I'll never stop caring about the people around me, and if I am in a good mood and want to meet up, then I will let them know.
I suppose my whole point of this entry is to just let people know that I am pretty introverted, so even though I tend to appear very social and open out in public, they can't really expect that from me all the time. More realistically, they can only expect that of me around 30% of the time, cause the remaining time I prefer to be on my own.
Just, remember that even if I'm not being social and contacting you regularily, I still care about you all, and I still love you all. I'm just not one of those people that show it very often.
I suppose it's because of the way I dress, and how I am around people. I know I dress in very bright and lively colours - a lot of the strangers that stop me do so just to compliment me on that - and I am always smiling when I'm out in public. I smile to people working at the stores I shop at, and I even smile at people that pass me on the street. And when I'm hanging out with people I know, I am cheerful and talkative, and when I'm partying I really let myself loose and just have fun with whomever I'm with. Out in the open, I suppose I am an extremely social and welcoming person. A lot of people tell me I could easily work in places that deal with customer service because of how I am, and the way I'm always smiling and being polite and respectful towards strangers. I suppose they're right.
But because of how I am out in the open, people tend to misunderstand the way I am. They think I'm like that all the time, and that I'm generally a very social person that has a lot of friends and likes hanging out a lot. And that's not true. I'm only social when I'm out and around people, and mostly that's because I've been raised to be a polite and respectful person, but also because I generally am very positive and cheerful and I like showing that when I'm around others. When I'm hanging out with people, I am social and an open person and I like having fun with others. When I'm not around other people, on the other hand, I'm kind of anti-social.
I rarely invite people over, cause my home is very private to me, and it's my safe-zone and my bubble. I'd rather not have anyone disturb that bubble, cause to me it's extremely important that I have that one safe place where I don't have to deal with anyone. I'm extremely introverted at times, and prefer to have a lot of time to myself. That's why it's really hard for me to live with anyone else, because I'm so dependent on that private time where no one else is around. I need to be able to sit for hours, talking to myself or the walls or the screen, just focusing on things that are important to me. Without that time, I'll go nuts.
I often get that "long time, no see! What happened since you dropped off the face of the earth?" kinds of comments when I see people that I haven't seen in a while, cause they can't seem to understand how such a social person as myself haven't kept in touch daily. I give them all sorts of excuses, mainly blaming my apartment and the renovations these days, because it's easier than trying to explain how I'm actually not a social person. Sure, if I'm out, and my mind is set on being around people and being social, then I really am social. But if my mind is not set on it, and I haven't had time to prepare myself for dealing with people, then being social just stresses me out to the point where I get really freaked out. I get anxious, I get irritated, I get exhausted, and often it makes me really depressed. It's hard for me to deal with people! Always has been, to the point where I've had to deal with severe social anxieties at times. It's better now, but it still leaves me anxious whenever I know I have to deal with people.
I just have to apologize, to the people that want to come over and hang out with me, cause I don't mean it to be rude or mean to people. I don't invite them over because I don't like them or don't want to hang out with them. It's not that. It's just that I need my private time, and my home is as private as can be. Seriously, if I invite anyone into my home, then it's pretty special! I honestly don't like having people over.
I prefer visiting others, but I do very little of that, unfortunately. That's mainly because it's difficult for me to get around since I don't have a car, and now it's extra difficult because of my health being what it is. I get tired very easily, and being around people drains me a lot. But, that being said, if I'm having a good day, and a way to get back and forth, then visiting others is not a problem for me. As I said, I prefer that. But what I prefer the most, is meeting up with people if I'm already out. Either meeting in town, having a coffee at a café or something, or if someone has invited people over for a social event - most likely a party. Cause, in those cases, my mind is already set on being social and meeting people, so my social self comes out to play.
My advice, to people in general, is that if they want to hang out with me they should invite me over, preferably a couple of days in advance so I get time to plan how to get back and forth and to have my mind set on being social, and not to expect too much in case I'm having a bad day. If they want to meet me in town, again, ask me a couple of days in advance, or at least the day before, so I can plan and get my mind set. I know I'm really bad at making contact with others, calling them or texting them, so it's wrong of me to expect others to always make that contact with me, and I wish I could say that I'd get better at it, but I know that I won't. That being said, I'll never stop caring about the people around me, and if I am in a good mood and want to meet up, then I will let them know.
I suppose my whole point of this entry is to just let people know that I am pretty introverted, so even though I tend to appear very social and open out in public, they can't really expect that from me all the time. More realistically, they can only expect that of me around 30% of the time, cause the remaining time I prefer to be on my own.
Just, remember that even if I'm not being social and contacting you regularily, I still care about you all, and I still love you all. I'm just not one of those people that show it very often.
fredag 3. januar 2014
A reading of 2014
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome to 2014, my beautiful darlings! I hope you all had a fantastic new years eve, whatever you were doing, and that you're all facing this new year with excitement and positivity. 2014 will be an amazing year, I just know it! And, seeing as I do card readings - one of my goals this year is becoming better at it - I decided to do a massive reading on myself.
I spent a couple of days preparing for it, and on the morning of the 1st of January, I sat down to do the biggest reading I have ever done so far. Because I wanted to make use of everything I can do readings with, I ended up using 6 different types of cards and one set of runes. When I do massive, I really do massive.
The next couple of days was spent going through it all and writing down the meaning of every card and getting an overall view of the readimg. It was a lot to write...
And, for your viewing pleasure, here's the result of my 2014 full year reading:
1 - Overall reading on the year as a whole, using the Goddess cards and a rune.
2 - Love, represented by a heart
3 - Money, represented by a coin
4 - Social life, represented by a lego flower (lol, dad's idea)
5 - Home and Family, represented by a Monopoly house
6 - Self, represented by a key (my facourite thing)
A row - The W.I.T.C.H. cards, used only for fun. They weren't meant seriously, so I just put them in there to be a "tip" to keep in mind.
B row - The beginning of the year, from January to April. I used the Shaman Wisdom Cards as well as my ordinary deck of cards (the one I usually use for readings) for the beginning, middle and end of the year readings.
C row - The middle of the year, from May to August.
D row - The end of the year, from September to December.
E row - Overall view of the specific subject in question, using the Tarot and runes.
7 - The elements, represented by the Wolf Song cards. Cause I like elements.
Your inner sun constantly shines. It is the light of your soul and the joy of your heart. It always guides you and helps you to see yourself. Although your light can shine eternally, your life in this world is plauged by dark times, too. So, collect your powers and do not waste them any longer in unnecessary struggles.
It is wiser not to oppose unconscious forces and to exhaust oneself, but to preserve one's powers instead. There are moments in life when you have to retire to let things take their course. It is very wise not to interfere and not to act right on the spot. Inner peace and serenity will show you the way now.
Learn to be still and enjoy your retreat from the world. For you too, the moment will come when you step out to the front and shine. Believe in yourself and your own being. And your life will flow in new lines and you will feel rich and fulfilled within. Your inner light is what nobody can take away from you. Let it flow freely. Because only your own inner light can light up your way and your life and reveal to you the source of your true power.
~Blank Rune
The blank rune speaks of destiny and truth. Follow the card it followed without question, it is your fated path this year!
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr7 Hunting Moon
Libra, Basket, Adult. I am hunting Moon. I am the preparation for the coming winter. I am here to remind you to prepare your house and put it in order. You must be mindful of relationships, be they partnerships, contracts, unions, or marriages. Things are not what they appear to be. There are times in relationships that it is best not to say anything, but to hear what is being said. Listen closely. Now is the time to consider your artistic side and create something of beauty and give it away. I provide strength for your hunt, your quest.
~8 of Diamonds
Eternal power and strength. Richess. In relation to the Hunting moon, it promises everlasting strength for the quest within love. Be wary and careful, focus on the art, and you will remain strong. The time is not yet right to enter a relationship.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr32 Corn
Feminine, North, Venus, Earth. I am Corn. I am the Blessed Blue Corn offering. I am the structure of your life. Combined with Beans and Squash, we are the life force. I will protect you through the winter of hard times. Success is yours through your hard work which prepares you for every opportunity and possibility. In these changing times, I am an essential requirement of life that sustains you. I am abundance and energy.
~6 of Spades
Unknown richess. Hidden or unforseen material wealth. In relation to the Corn, it promises unexpected money if you work hard for it, so now's the time to put in that extra effort. Be prepared for anything, and you will rewarded accordingly.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr43 Ash
Masculine, East, Sun, Fire. I am Ash. I am peace of mind through protection. I am the powerful wood in the bows of the Warriors, to help you overcome mental barriers and obstructions so that you may subdue enemies without and within. Good health and recovery from illness is the power of the Ash. I am the stem of the Sacred Pipe that offers prayers and connects you to the Great Mystery. From the flexibility of my wood learn to bend if the need arises. I am prosperity.
~7 of Hearts
Powerful love. The strength of love. In relations to the Ash, the card talks about a powerful love that will reveal itself if you are flexible and open for overcoming your barriers. The Ash will bring better health, and if you remain social you will stay on the right path.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr13 Eagle
East, Masculine, Air. I am Eagle. I am power. If I have flown into your array today, I am here to help you see the big picture...and the minute details! I am your third eye vision. I give you courage and focus. Let me share with you my abilities to help you achieve your highest aspirations. Nothing stops me.
As I climb close to the Sun and Great Spirit, I see all below me with wide perspective and acute clarity. I see the whole and the detail - my third eye insight gives me inner vision, spiritual power. My innate dance of connection to Spirit helps me conquer fear with courage and daring, it energizes and focuses me. I now understand more acutely, convergent and divergent thinking...I see the whole picture while bringing on idea into line. I act on it with courage and daring, reaching successful conclusions.
I am free, I am freedom. I feel my wide wing span carry me, hold me. I have abilities to help you accomplish it all.
~Ace of Clubs
Child. Son. Your own physical body. In relation to the Eagle, the card wants you to see the whole picture regarding your physical self. Are you planning children? The Eagle helps you get clarity on the matter, and focus more on your health and building your nest to prepare for the arrival of a child.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr29 Mint
Masculine, East, Mercury, Air. I am mint. I am your breath of fresh air. My fragrance stimulates and intensifies your sensual nature. My powerful bouquet purifies thought and soothes the nerves. Your energies are enhanced and your creative strengths increased by the correct use of my properties. I will protect your path and your resources. I am purification to your entire being. I am your energy. I am your strength.
~Queen of Diamonds
Powerful medium. In relation to the Mint, the card tells you to focus on your inner strength and energies, and on becoming a medium between your inner world and the outer world. Be creative, make use of your resources, and the Mint will help you become purified. You will find your true power within, as a medium of great strength.
~Extra card: 10 of Hearts
Source of Love. In relation to the Mint and the Queen of Diamonds, this extra card that fell out wants you to always keep your loving heart. Inside you is a source of powerful love, and this love is the strength that will help you become the medium you need to be. Trust in the love within you, trust in your strength, and you will find the right path.
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr34 Squash
Feminine, West, Earth, Water. I am Squash. I am Gourd. I grow well unattended. Let things be. Do not try to control situations or events. My vines spread out to encompass all. I help you create your abundance through my diversity. I am the Sustenance of your life. Combined with Beans and Corn, we are the life force.
~5 of Diamonds
Unified power. Strength through working together. In relation to the Squash, it tells you to bring together the Bean and the Corn to gain strength. But let things happen as they do, and don't force anything. Trust what fate brings regarding love.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr39 Birch
Feminine, East, Venus, Water. I am Birch. I am growth in understanding the inner self, others, the world, and all our relations. Allow me to provide awareness that removes restrictions and permits you to proceed. My healing and purifying properties clean out and provide for new beginnings, fresh starts. My bark is used to make practical items and is burned in the sweat lodge to cleanse the body and the spirit. I am protection.
~3 of Clubs
Daughter. Sister. The Female body. Subconscious relations. In relation to the Birch, it says that wealth might come from being aware of your feminine self, your daughters and your sisters. Focus on these relations, cleanse yourself, and be ready for new beginnings, and maybe a new income.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr44 Basswood
Feminine, West, Saturn, Earth. I am Basswood. I am the False Face mask of the Iroquois tobacco ceremony. When you put on the mask, you lose your identity and become whatever the mask represents. You are no longer the person, you are the spirit. The mask also signifies that you might be escaping reality and hiding from the truth. Remove that mask and come face to face with your life. I am the tree spirit, I am protection.
~4 of Hearts
The cornerstones of love. The basic needs of love and relationships. In relation to the Basswood, the card wants you to stop hiding behind your masks and remove the distance between yourself and your social life. Show your friends who you truly are, and set down the foundation of how you want love to be, and you'll find the truth you've been seeking.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr36 Nettle
Masculine, West, Mars, Fire. I am Nettle. I am purification. If properly handled, I offer strength and healing. I take the sting out of the problems of the heart. I am the tonic that keeps the flow of emotions in check. Protect yourself with the fire of the Nettle. Injury may result from problems or issues that are not properly handled.
~Ace of Hearts
The one, true love. In relation to the Nettle, the cards warn you that your love can cause problems within your family if the issue is not handled in the right way. The Nettle will help you in the matter, and keep you strong, if you handle it properly. Don't get too emotional, but let the fire of the Nettle protect you.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr63 Earth
Feminine, Earth. I am the Earth. I am Mother, I am Grandmother. It is from me that all life comes forth. I am the Great Turtle. Ground yourself through me. Learn from me the protective instinct of care and nurturing, the formation, the formulation, gestation and development. Through me you can see the beauty and gentleness in all that exists. I am the foundation, the very beginning. It is within me that the Shaman journeys for knowledge and wisdom, the timeless flight of ecstasy. I am the Lower World, I am the fifth direction. I am ancestor. I am the root. I am the female, the magnetic, the yin, the left side.
~3 of Spades
The unknown. Hidden things. The subconscious. In relation to the Earth, the card tells you to look deep within yourself, to seek the unknown, and you will receive the knowledge and wisdom you need. Reach into your subconscious, cause in there you'll find the roots you did not even know that you had, and a hidden strength will be revealed.
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr41 Oak
Masculine, North, Sun, Fire. I am the mighty Oak. I am strength. I am longevity. My powerful presence increases confidence and magnifies opportunities. You are in the right place at the right time. Within my shadow you will feel secure and protected. My vitality and productivity are yours. The magic within the acorn nourishes relationships. Through my ancient energies and powers you are healed and enriched. I am the Courages Warrior of the Boreal Forests.
~7 of Clubs
The power of family. Physical strength. In relation to the Oak, it promises a stronger health and better family ties. This is the right time, and a relationship will strengthen. All quarrels with the family will be resolved, and you are free to nurture your love and your relationship.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr16 Owl
North, Feminine, Air. I am Owl. I am clarity of intuition and wisdom. My keen hearing and crystalline vision gives me insight where others miss the picture. I am feared for my ability to "see in the dark". I discern truth from fiction with my watchful, silent observation of my domain. Wisely sitting on the fence post, on my brother's shoulder, or in the top of my favourite pine, I see and hear all. I stealthily and silently zero in on my desires and dreams. Nothing is hidden from me.
I am clarity of vision and wisdom. As I silently float onto your shoulder, I am telling you to keep a watchful eye open at all times. There are those who wish you didn't see beneath the surface of their realities. Protect yourself or others will take advantage of you. You are naturally discerning and intuitive. Continue to listen and observe so you won't miss the subtle messages contained in my message. Remember, even in the darkness, you see what others cannot. Once the view is unobstructed, aim for the heart, the center - silently go after your desires and dreams. Along your way, you will encounter people who are apprehensive around you because of your psychic abilities and intuition. Stick to your truth.
~The Black Joker.
Sudden and unexpected change. Necessary changes. In relation to the Owl, the card tells you that your financial situation will suddenly change unexpectedly. Others may seek to take advantage of this, but stay true to yourself, trust in your strength and your abilities, and you'll be able to tell truth from lies. You are the joker, the psychic, the medium, and this will bring you great fortune.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr45 Aspen
Masculine, East, Mercury, Air. I am Aspen. I am the nurse tree. It is the time for nurturing the inner child. It is in my shade that evergreens grow back after fires and other natural disasters. Shaded by my protective foliage, I keep you safe from the known and the unknown. I am always there to help and assist you on your pathworking journey. I guard your mental well-being and resources. Eloquence and elegance are yours, use them to your advantage by being different. I am loyalty and harmony. You can depend on me; you can count on yourself.
~4 of Spades
Hidden or unknown cornerstones. In relation to the Aspen, the card tells you that you will discover new things regarding yourself and your relations to others. You will find new and strong cornerstones to build your foundation on, and the Aspen will keep you guarded as you start building. Be yourself. Be different. Trust in yourself. The true friends will stay by your side, and the false ones disappear.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr25 Calamus
Feminine, South, Moon, Water. I am Calamus. I am the clear voice that speaks the truth. I am the clear vision that sees reality. Use my powers to clear the issue, to discern the truth. I also relieve thirst and alleviate hunger. I offer protection by strengthening and healing within. I am strong and powerful. Good fortune is indicated when I am on your path. Abundance is in the truth; use me to see that truth, use me to speak that truth. Seek the Root of the Matter, which will help you understand the foundation of the issue. I am one of the most powerful and useful plants. Use me with caution. Use me with respect and I will let you see the unknown.
~3 of Diamonds
Inner strength. Subconscious powers. In relation to the Calamus, the card tells you to look within for the strength you need to see the truth of things. There may be issues in regarding home and family, but the Calamus will help you see clearly if you use it respectfully. Good things are coming, as long as you trust in the Calamus and your inner strength.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr8 Falling Leaf Moon
Scorpio, Baskets, Adult. I am the Moon of Falling Leaves. It is a time of apparent death and transformation. For without letting go of the old, you cannot take on the new. My wisdom leads you to ultimate understanding of nature and the universe. That which has been a smoky mystery to you will become clear. Learn what I have to teach and pass it on to future generations. Your passionate nature will be amplified at this time and deep relationships will follow. Be flexible and go with your intuitions, trust your feelings. I am the present, the past, and the future.
~The Red Joker
Positive Change. In relation to the Falling Leaf Moon, the card speaks of changes within yourself, good changes, and transformation. Now's the time to let go of things that has been, and focus on the new and the positive. You've gained the wisdom you need by looking into yourself, and now you can put that wisdom to good use. Follow your own feelings and instincts, and turn your face towards love and all that it brings. Now's the time.
An Overall look on Love in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XXI the World
Perfection, full result, reward. The end of a cycle. Triumph, success and gain. A task has been completed and the goal has been reached. You've finally accomplished something you've been working on, and now you're done and ready for new things. This year has been a journey through yourself and your feelings, and now you've finally reached the point where you're ready for love and happiness. You will find your chosen one, and your happy ending.
~X Gifu, Gebo
Gift, offering, relationship, love, marriage, partnership, generosity, unexpected good fortune. Gebo is a rune of connection, particularly the connections between people. Up until now, our journey has been a solitary one. This rune represents those places where our path intersects with others, and allows us to begin to form conscious relationships. Such relationships are strengthened and sanctified by the exchange of gifts.
Magical Uses: to find or strengthen a relationship, for fertility, to mark a gift or offering, to bring luck
Gifu and the World together tells you that 2014 is a good year for love. Be cautious at the beginning of the year, even if you meet someone, cause things aren't as they seem and jumping into things too soon will cause problems, especially within the family. Focus on your home, your art, and yourself first and foremost, and listen to everything around you. Take the time to create something, a gift, and nurture your abilities, cause the time is not yet right for a relationship.
As you reach the middle of the year, things will start to roll and happen on their own, and the best course of action is none. Stay your hand and let things go as they go, and you'll be led down the right path. Focus on the money situation from the beginning of the year, and continue your work there, and all will be well. Fate will make sure to bring the love you need your way when you need it. Have faith and trust in your destiny!
Towards the end of the year, the time is right to establish relationships and go forward to new beginnings. You'll be able to solve any family issues that may have occured this year, and your health will improve. This will allow you to focus on nurturing your love and your newfound partner. You've finally reached the end of the quest, and gained your reward; your one, true love.
An Overall look on the Financial Situation in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~VI the Lovers
Trial, exam, choice in emotional matters, need for a decision. Choice and love. You stand before a difficult choice between two very different things, and have to carefully weigh the choice before making it. Trial and difficulties. If you're unsure whether to invest your money in something or not, take your time to properly think before making the final choice.
~F fe, feho
Prosperity, money, wealth, concern with physical and financial needs, goals, promotion, self-esteem, centeredness, karma. Fehu is both the day-to-day reality of our lives and the catalyst that awakens us to what lies beyond. It is whatever we think we are seeking, which frequently bears no resemblance to what we will eventually find. It is also our home, for after all our wanderings we will still need to attend to our physical needs and ground ourselves in the simple pleasures of home, family, and good work. Oz might be a fun place to visit, but after a while all you really want to do is go back to Kansas.
Fehu reminds us that we must be secure in our physical situation before embarking upon any spiritual journey. We all must begin with the mundane reality of our lives, although many people never get beyond this. In many ways, we have become as domesticated as the cattle, living our day to day existence without wanting or even being aware of anything more being possible. The first step in breaking away from this situation is to catch a glimpse of what is possible, without dwelling on what security we may lose to attain it.
Magical Uses: for money, business, promotion, finding a job, achieving a goal, starting new enterprises
Fe and the Lovers together tells you that there is money to be gained this year, though you will have to work for it. Difficult choices must be made, but it is important that you focus on your daily needs above anything. Take control of your money and make sure your budget is a good one that prepares for anything. At the beginning of the year you'll have to work extra hard, but this will reward you with unexpected money.
Towards the middle of the year, it's important to focus on your inner self, cause the world within you will be of great help. You'll be ready for something new and fresh, if you focus on your feminine side and your female relations - mothers, sisters, daughters - and this could bring a new income in to your life. It is a time of change!
As you reach the end of the year, these changes will come rather sudden and unexpected. You'll discover something new, unseen by others, and this will help you gain money. People might try to take advantage of you because of this new change, but be true to yourself and listen to your instincts, and you will be fine. You've got strong psychic abilities and a good intuition, and it will help you pick out the true people among the false ones. You may have to choose between your "friends" and financial situation, but if you trust yourself you'll make the right choice, and money will come your way.
An Overall look on your Social Life in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XVII the Star
Faith, hope, favourable Omen. Inspiration and guidance. A time of peace and order after war and chaos, promising light after a time of darkness. Do not lose hope, cause good things are coming, and it is time for a new start. You'll gain new friends, and your social life will prosper and become one that you enjoy.
~U ur, uruz
Energy, passion, vitality, instinct, wildness, sexuality, fertility, the unconscious, primitive mind, irrationality, shamanic experience, rite of passage. Uruz is the rune of the God of the sacred hunt and his shaman/priest. Following the kind of mundane, day to day survival represented by fehu, it is the first recognition by mankind of the divine in nature, and his first attempt to control it through the use of sympathetic magic. It also represents an awareness of death and our own mortality, which may well be the only thing which truly distinguishes us from other animals. The energy of this rune is raw, powerful, and distinctly masculine, in the sense that it is pure, elemental fire. The boy who has killed the aurochs has just entered manhood, and has therefore been initiated into the first level of the mysteries - the awareness that the source of life is death.
Magical Uses: to strengthen the will, increase sexual potency and energy; for hunting
Ur and the Star together speaks of a new beginning in your social life. You've reached the place where you need to be, and you are now considered an "adult". At the beginning of the year, it is important that you remain flexible and open, because it will help you get a new outlook on love. It is a good time for social relations, and new friends will bring new aspects to your life, and a new potential partner.
As you reach the middle of the year, it is time to let your newfound, as well as old, friends, see who you truly are, and set the groundrules for what you want out of friendship, and love. This will help you see the truth of things, and you will discover something you did not know.
As the year nears the end, you'll start to see people for who they truly are, and you'll make more discoveries. True friends will reveal themselves, and at the same time you will see who are being false friends, and you'll gain new bricks to build the foundation of your social life on. Trust in yourself, dare to be different, and you'll find the light you've been searching for.
An Overall look on Home and Family in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~VIII Justice
Balance, Fairness, Justice. Respect of natural law. Wise and impartial choices. Take a moment to get some distance between you and the matter, to see all sides of it, and you'll be able to judge it fairly. It may not be wise, this year, to take sides in the matters of home and family, but rather take distance to see the truth of things.
~T tyr, teiwaz
Duty, discipline, responsibility, self-sacrifice, conflict, strength, a wound, physicality, the warrior path. Tyr's sacrifice of his hand to allow the binding of the Fenris Wolf was a noble one, and notable in a pantheon of deities not known for their sense of duty and ethical responsibility. He is believed to be one of the oldest of the Norse Gods - a Bronze-age rock carving was found in Scandinavia depicting a one-handed warrior - and his position may well have originally superseded that of Odin. Tyr's rune is also one of the oldest in the fuþark, having survived virtually unchanged from the earliest Bronze-age carvings. It represents all those qualities associated with the God: strength, heroism, duty and responsibility. But it also represents a deeper mystery - that of the wounded God. Like þurisaz, the pain of teiwaz focuses the attention and forces discipline. However, in this case the effect is more conscious and the wound carries a greater significance. Uruz has been confronted and bound, and the lessons of teiwaz and hagalaz have been learned. This is the path of the warrior.
Magical Uses: protection, victory, strength, strengthening the will, healing a wound
Tyr and Justice together tells you to stay strong and impartial this year, regarding matters of home and family. If you stay fair, seeing matters from all sides, you will be victorious and keep control of things. At the beginning of the year, focus your efforts on your home, your nest, more than anything, cause you might need to prepare for the arrival of a child. If you're planning renovations, or buying a new home, this would be the right time for it. In matters of family, keep your distance and try to see the big picture before judging.
As you reach the middle of the year, love might cause some trouble in matters regarding your family. Maybe someone in your family won't approve of your newfound love? Take care not to get too emotional, but rather stay calm and try to see things from their side as well. If handled the right way, there won't be any problems at all.
By the end of the year you'll see the truth of things. The problems that may have occured in the middle of the year will be solved, cause seeking within you'll find the strength you need to see the real issues and seek out the root of the problems. You'll find clarity, and by continuing seeing things from all sides, you'll find peace and good fortune. Stay honest and fair, and be respectful!
An Overall look on your Inner Self in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XIV Temperance
Moderation, Harmony, Recovery, Adaption. Sharing one's feelings and not surpressing them. Find harmony within yourself, take your time to recover from past injuries, and adapt to the future ahead of you. After death, one needs time to heal the wounds within oneself. This year is a time of meditation, and listening to your inner voice to find the right path in life. You will find the guidance you seek within yourself, so have patience and you will gain the balance you've been needing.
~H hagl, hail
Sudden loss, ordeal, destruction, disaster, clearance, testing, karmic lesson, drastic change. The idea of the destruction of the old being necessary to the growth of the new, as contained in the Norse myth of Ragnarok, is essential to our understanding of this rune. Interestingly enough, hagalaz lies between kenaz (fire) and isa (ice), reminding us of the Norse creation myth and the creative potential that lies between these two opposites, even though their meeting may seem at first to be destructive. Like the Tower in the Tarot, hagalaz is only a negative rune if we choose to view it in that way, and refuse to learn its lessons. Appearing as it does at the beginning of the second aett, it marks both a beginning and an end, and knocks us out of the safety and complacency of wunjo. It represents what a friend of mine used to refer to as the 'flying ladle syndrome' - that whenever things appear to be going too well, you can expect a good, healthy whack in the head from the Fates, just to make sure you're paying attention.
These sorts of 'wake-up calls' from the Gods will happen frequently throughout a person's life, but are often misinterpreted as divine punishment for some imagined wrong when in fact they are merely a way of drawing your attention to a recurrent pattern in your life. Unfortunately, these types of events have a tendency to repeat themselves with greater and greater severity until the lesson is learned and the pattern is broken. For example, someone who needs to break their dependency on a certain type of person will find themselves in relationships with such people over and over again with more and more disastrous results until they recognize the pattern as emanating from themselves and break it willingly.
Magical Uses: removing unwanted influences, breaking destructive patterns
Hagl and Temperance together tells you to take the time you need to seek within yourself. You are stil recovering from the injuries you gained in the past, and need more time for meditation. In the beginning of the year, it is highly important that you focus on yourself and your inner world. Nurture your abilities. You are psychic and creative, and now's the time to focus on that. Be the medium your true self is! But also make sure you focus on the love inside you. There is more there than you are aware of. Seek within to find the source of your love and your strength.
As you reach the middle of the year, it will become clear to you that there are things hidden inside you that you were never aware of. The source of your love, your strength, and you true roots, it will be found within you. You are the mother, the creator from which all life comes from, and it is time you nurture your creations. Bring out your inner world, see the beauty of it, and use your newly gained knowledge and wisdom to continue building on it.
At the end of the year, you will find yourself ready for a massive transformation. It is a very big and important change, and it will be very positive. What you've learned from focusing on your inner world and yourself will help you reach new heights. You will gain a new understanding of everything, of nature and the universe, and our very existence, and it will change you for the better. You will be ready for new beginnings, a better financial situation, a stable home and good family ties, newfound friends, and a new love. This is YOUR time!
FIRE - Feelings, Emotions
~Ocelot
Procrastination, Avoidance, Reluctance. In Ocelot, man finds one of the most beautiful creations of the Universe, not only in face and body, but also intelligence and spirit. He is adaptable and cunning, using all of his talents to make his way through life. Ocelot uses all of his skills (physical, mental and psychic) to live life his own way. Ocelot learns from experience, and he is reserved and wary. He will tell you, if you will only listen, that those who may seem trustworthy often are not. Further, he cautions, those who think themselves moral and preach morality are often the least ethical. Ocelot knows each of them for who they are, and he avoids them. Further, he teaches his young to live quitely, but well away from prying eyes and those who would exploit them.
However, Ocelot is not a hermit eschewing all companionship. A soul loyal and true, Ocelot loves not easily, but deeply. Once he has made a friend, he cherishes the friendship. However, Ocelot is reluctant to plunge into a new adventure or to confront an old problem. Ask yourself "why?" Ocelot takes his time rather than taking the risk of being someone's trophy. Ocelot counsels us to listen to our instincts, to understand the basis of evasion. From him, we learn the difference between the distasteful and the dangerous.
There are times when procrastination may have some redeeming value. Precisely whose priority is the task at hand, anyway? Stand before yourself as judge, and ask yourself whether or not you are procrastinating because you are reluctant and fearful, or because you have other pressing concerns of your own. If you are reluctant and fearful, then Ocelot has come to tell you to plunge out of the brush, and run along the path. If you have other concerns, then Ocelot has appeared to tell you to slip quietly into the woods, and to stop letting others run your life.
Regarding your feelings, Ocelot is telling you to be careful and wary. Trust in your experience, and your instincts, and do not jump into things. Take your time, and you will find the right path.
EARTH - Body, Physical self, Health
~Bobcat
Self-sufficiency, Secrecy, Holds own counsel. Bobcat is the epitome of individualism. He goes about his own business, and takes care of what needs doing. He will tackle projects and problems that are not only larger than he is, but larger than life itself, and succeed with aplomb. Bobcat is the very image of the self-sufficient, decisive soul.
However, such a solo induvidual is not a builder of communities and fellowship. He does not need others to stimulate his intellectual curiosity, to keep him company, or to help him in his given career. He tends to prefer working in an area where he is in control and usually working alone. His family life often appears to be dysfunctional, but in reality, it works very nicely as long as his mate's personality matches his. Bobcat children are keepers of secrets, highly ethical, and good problem solvers. As a child or an adult, Bobcat can be obsessive about any subject that interests him, and stubbornly disinterest concerning anything else. He often becomes expert in his own field of endevour, and is unperturbed by his ignorance of other areas.
Bobcat as a mother is a fierce protector of her children, even refusing to let their father help until they are older. Bobcat fathers provide what their young need, and help teach them to be independent. Bobcats often have trouble with close relationships since their solitary nature results in a behaviour that is often misunderstood as rejection. Bobcat wants his time alone, and the subject is not open to discussion, not even with his mate. His love can be earned by someone self-sufficient as he, but it can be lost if there is too much talk about "getting in touch with feelings and then sharing them." Bobcat is in touch with his feelings and if he wants to share them, he will do so without anyone's prompting. Mostly, he wants his privacy and to walk his path undisturbed by annoying chatter.
Tell a secret to a Bobcat, and he will carry it to his grave. Ask his advice, and he will tell you to figure out your own problems because you have to live with the consequences. He will, however, direct you to the information you need to solve the problem.
Bobcat tells of a time to be self-sufficient. Secrecy and holding one's own counsel are advisable at this juncture; do not betray confidences. Others are not entitled to everything you know, think, or feel. Learn to hold your tongue, observe and learn. Remember, too, self-sufficiency is not the same as selfishness; do not confuse the two. You must learn to rely on yourself, not lean on others, for they have their own lives to attend. You must become expert in your own affairs, your own business. A lively interest in everything, but lack of expertise in anything is the life of an underachiever. Bobcat reminds you that you must survive, and that you cannot depend on others for your survival. You have talents, develop them. Choose what interests you, not someone else. Worry less about what others do and what they say. Do not trouble yourself over the opinions of others unless they have something useful to say. Do what you do, do it well and do it with pride. Bobcat tells you the only real accomplishment in life is what you do yourself. There is nothing wrong or sinful about honest pride.
Regarding your body, Bobcat is telling you to not listen to what anyone else says about your physical health and appearance. You know best. Your body is your body, so no one but you is entitled to say what should be done with it. There's no need to counsel with anyone else regarding your health. You already know what to do.
WATER - Soul, True self
~Black Bear
Introspection, Self-analysis. Black Bear is reserved, even shy, but friendly. He will never hurt anyone purposely, but he will lash out if he is frightened or mightily provoked. Physically, he will do no harm unless his life or the lives of his family are in peril. He is a good mate and a loving, protective parent.
You will find Black Bear in places of tranquility. He eschews environments where the pace is frantic and the stress is high. Though he avoids crowds, he is not always a recluse, and he will, sometimes, entertain a select few. He is very charming when he consents to socialize, and he is very amusing. Black Bear is more popular than he is interested in being, and after too short a time for his admirers, he disappears into his beloved solitude.
Black Bear's lessons are not a recommandation to act the hermit. Rather, he tells of the need to find places of quietude. Only in such places may you learn the arts Black Bear has mastered: introspection and self analysis. Black Bear tells us that only these two gfts to ourselves will let us experience, even recognize the additional and wonderful gifts of great love, the enjoyement of having fun, and the joy of life. Further, they will help us accept that while we may not be able to understand hate, we can reject it without any need for explanation. Remember, Black Bear urges, there are things that the introspective soul will understand that the person who has not experienced such self-analysis cannot. How to explain something that cannot be comprehended without experience? The answer is, Black Bear assures, to not explain. Simply enjoy life, and reject hate.
Wander the dense forest of experience not as an ascetic, but as a traveler who knows the truth is in his own soul. Follow Black Bear's counsel, stand back from your ego, and ask what everyone's motives (including your own) really are. Self-analysis is only useful when it is trie, not merely self-reassurance or farce of introspection. Black Bear cherishes the uniqueness of each soul, he recognizes the talents of each clan member as important to both the group and the individual. Change your attitudes, be more generous and more circumspect.
The appearance of Black Bear signifies a desire for introspection and self-analysis. Stop and listen to yourself, do not fear the words of your soul. Leave the frenzy for a while so you can hear. Black Bear cautions, howver, that you must not become so enamored of the process that you forget to forge ahead and achieve. Introspection is not an excuse for immobility. Rather, it and self-analysis are part of the preparation needed for forward motion. Face change and live life to the fullest.
Regarding your soul, Black Bear tells you to look into yourself. This is a time to look inwards, to listen to your soul, and to find your true self and true purpose in life. The answers can all be found within.
AIR - Mind, Thoughts, Creativity
~Wood Duck
Patience, Harmony with environment. Regal and calm, the Wood Duck is the symbol of patience and harmony with its surroundings. Serenely swimming in waters not always calm, the Wood Duck retains its dignity as it works to make progress without causing damage. The male Wood Duck is a warrior, its regalia of beautiful feathers blending in with the environment or bursting out at intruders to defend the family hunting grounds. The female, more subtle but still lovely in her softer dappled colour, lays her eggs in the cavities of trees and cares for the young while her mate provides food. When it is time for the little ones to learn the lessons of life, their parents escort them to the pond, their classroom. Wood Duck patiently teaches his young how to live in harmony with others and with their surroundings. His efforts will ensure their comfortable survival and the comfortable survivial of their young.
Wood Duck moves in small, close circles, not large communities. He is skilled at finding what he and his family need to live prosperously, and he seldom strays far from his ancestral home. He adapts to his environment rather than trying to change it, but he will modify his territory to suit the family needs. Wood Duck is master of recycling when it comes to living space, he will find an old home and turn it into a fine nest. He is a master of negotiating obstacles with ease; his spirit is such that he will not waste his energies or resources on hopeless battles with large trees.
This symbol indicates the need for cultivating patience, and working with your environment, not against it. It tells you of the need for knowing when to be in the background, and when to burst forth, ready to do battle. Wood Duck is a sensible creature, not shy, but not interested in glory. He accepts change as inevitable, and adapts to it as needed.
Regarding your own mind and thoughts, Wood Duck tells you to stop working against it. Find harmony within your own mind, and make use of the creativity it holds. Take what you already have built, and make it into something even better.
I spent a couple of days preparing for it, and on the morning of the 1st of January, I sat down to do the biggest reading I have ever done so far. Because I wanted to make use of everything I can do readings with, I ended up using 6 different types of cards and one set of runes. When I do massive, I really do massive.
The next couple of days was spent going through it all and writing down the meaning of every card and getting an overall view of the readimg. It was a lot to write...
And, for your viewing pleasure, here's the result of my 2014 full year reading:
(click to enlarge)
-First, an explanation of the cards:1 - Overall reading on the year as a whole, using the Goddess cards and a rune.
2 - Love, represented by a heart
3 - Money, represented by a coin
4 - Social life, represented by a lego flower (lol, dad's idea)
5 - Home and Family, represented by a Monopoly house
6 - Self, represented by a key (my facourite thing)
A row - The W.I.T.C.H. cards, used only for fun. They weren't meant seriously, so I just put them in there to be a "tip" to keep in mind.
B row - The beginning of the year, from January to April. I used the Shaman Wisdom Cards as well as my ordinary deck of cards (the one I usually use for readings) for the beginning, middle and end of the year readings.
C row - The middle of the year, from May to August.
D row - The end of the year, from September to December.
E row - Overall view of the specific subject in question, using the Tarot and runes.
7 - The elements, represented by the Wolf Song cards. Cause I like elements.
Reading the Year 2014
Overall - The Oracle of the Goddess / Runes
~Amaterasu OmikamiYour inner sun constantly shines. It is the light of your soul and the joy of your heart. It always guides you and helps you to see yourself. Although your light can shine eternally, your life in this world is plauged by dark times, too. So, collect your powers and do not waste them any longer in unnecessary struggles.
It is wiser not to oppose unconscious forces and to exhaust oneself, but to preserve one's powers instead. There are moments in life when you have to retire to let things take their course. It is very wise not to interfere and not to act right on the spot. Inner peace and serenity will show you the way now.
Learn to be still and enjoy your retreat from the world. For you too, the moment will come when you step out to the front and shine. Believe in yourself and your own being. And your life will flow in new lines and you will feel rich and fulfilled within. Your inner light is what nobody can take away from you. Let it flow freely. Because only your own inner light can light up your way and your life and reveal to you the source of your true power.
~Blank Rune
The blank rune speaks of destiny and truth. Follow the card it followed without question, it is your fated path this year!
The beginning of the Year: January - April
Shaman Wisdom Cards / Deck of Cards
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr7 Hunting Moon
Libra, Basket, Adult. I am hunting Moon. I am the preparation for the coming winter. I am here to remind you to prepare your house and put it in order. You must be mindful of relationships, be they partnerships, contracts, unions, or marriages. Things are not what they appear to be. There are times in relationships that it is best not to say anything, but to hear what is being said. Listen closely. Now is the time to consider your artistic side and create something of beauty and give it away. I provide strength for your hunt, your quest.
~8 of Diamonds
Eternal power and strength. Richess. In relation to the Hunting moon, it promises everlasting strength for the quest within love. Be wary and careful, focus on the art, and you will remain strong. The time is not yet right to enter a relationship.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr32 Corn
Feminine, North, Venus, Earth. I am Corn. I am the Blessed Blue Corn offering. I am the structure of your life. Combined with Beans and Squash, we are the life force. I will protect you through the winter of hard times. Success is yours through your hard work which prepares you for every opportunity and possibility. In these changing times, I am an essential requirement of life that sustains you. I am abundance and energy.
~6 of Spades
Unknown richess. Hidden or unforseen material wealth. In relation to the Corn, it promises unexpected money if you work hard for it, so now's the time to put in that extra effort. Be prepared for anything, and you will rewarded accordingly.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr43 Ash
Masculine, East, Sun, Fire. I am Ash. I am peace of mind through protection. I am the powerful wood in the bows of the Warriors, to help you overcome mental barriers and obstructions so that you may subdue enemies without and within. Good health and recovery from illness is the power of the Ash. I am the stem of the Sacred Pipe that offers prayers and connects you to the Great Mystery. From the flexibility of my wood learn to bend if the need arises. I am prosperity.
~7 of Hearts
Powerful love. The strength of love. In relations to the Ash, the card talks about a powerful love that will reveal itself if you are flexible and open for overcoming your barriers. The Ash will bring better health, and if you remain social you will stay on the right path.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr13 Eagle
East, Masculine, Air. I am Eagle. I am power. If I have flown into your array today, I am here to help you see the big picture...and the minute details! I am your third eye vision. I give you courage and focus. Let me share with you my abilities to help you achieve your highest aspirations. Nothing stops me.
As I climb close to the Sun and Great Spirit, I see all below me with wide perspective and acute clarity. I see the whole and the detail - my third eye insight gives me inner vision, spiritual power. My innate dance of connection to Spirit helps me conquer fear with courage and daring, it energizes and focuses me. I now understand more acutely, convergent and divergent thinking...I see the whole picture while bringing on idea into line. I act on it with courage and daring, reaching successful conclusions.
I am free, I am freedom. I feel my wide wing span carry me, hold me. I have abilities to help you accomplish it all.
~Ace of Clubs
Child. Son. Your own physical body. In relation to the Eagle, the card wants you to see the whole picture regarding your physical self. Are you planning children? The Eagle helps you get clarity on the matter, and focus more on your health and building your nest to prepare for the arrival of a child.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr29 Mint
Masculine, East, Mercury, Air. I am mint. I am your breath of fresh air. My fragrance stimulates and intensifies your sensual nature. My powerful bouquet purifies thought and soothes the nerves. Your energies are enhanced and your creative strengths increased by the correct use of my properties. I will protect your path and your resources. I am purification to your entire being. I am your energy. I am your strength.
~Queen of Diamonds
Powerful medium. In relation to the Mint, the card tells you to focus on your inner strength and energies, and on becoming a medium between your inner world and the outer world. Be creative, make use of your resources, and the Mint will help you become purified. You will find your true power within, as a medium of great strength.
~Extra card: 10 of Hearts
Source of Love. In relation to the Mint and the Queen of Diamonds, this extra card that fell out wants you to always keep your loving heart. Inside you is a source of powerful love, and this love is the strength that will help you become the medium you need to be. Trust in the love within you, trust in your strength, and you will find the right path.
The middle of the Year: May - August
Shaman Wisdom Cards / Deck of Cards
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr34 Squash
Feminine, West, Earth, Water. I am Squash. I am Gourd. I grow well unattended. Let things be. Do not try to control situations or events. My vines spread out to encompass all. I help you create your abundance through my diversity. I am the Sustenance of your life. Combined with Beans and Corn, we are the life force.
~5 of Diamonds
Unified power. Strength through working together. In relation to the Squash, it tells you to bring together the Bean and the Corn to gain strength. But let things happen as they do, and don't force anything. Trust what fate brings regarding love.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr39 Birch
Feminine, East, Venus, Water. I am Birch. I am growth in understanding the inner self, others, the world, and all our relations. Allow me to provide awareness that removes restrictions and permits you to proceed. My healing and purifying properties clean out and provide for new beginnings, fresh starts. My bark is used to make practical items and is burned in the sweat lodge to cleanse the body and the spirit. I am protection.
~3 of Clubs
Daughter. Sister. The Female body. Subconscious relations. In relation to the Birch, it says that wealth might come from being aware of your feminine self, your daughters and your sisters. Focus on these relations, cleanse yourself, and be ready for new beginnings, and maybe a new income.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr44 Basswood
Feminine, West, Saturn, Earth. I am Basswood. I am the False Face mask of the Iroquois tobacco ceremony. When you put on the mask, you lose your identity and become whatever the mask represents. You are no longer the person, you are the spirit. The mask also signifies that you might be escaping reality and hiding from the truth. Remove that mask and come face to face with your life. I am the tree spirit, I am protection.
~4 of Hearts
The cornerstones of love. The basic needs of love and relationships. In relation to the Basswood, the card wants you to stop hiding behind your masks and remove the distance between yourself and your social life. Show your friends who you truly are, and set down the foundation of how you want love to be, and you'll find the truth you've been seeking.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr36 Nettle
Masculine, West, Mars, Fire. I am Nettle. I am purification. If properly handled, I offer strength and healing. I take the sting out of the problems of the heart. I am the tonic that keeps the flow of emotions in check. Protect yourself with the fire of the Nettle. Injury may result from problems or issues that are not properly handled.
~Ace of Hearts
The one, true love. In relation to the Nettle, the cards warn you that your love can cause problems within your family if the issue is not handled in the right way. The Nettle will help you in the matter, and keep you strong, if you handle it properly. Don't get too emotional, but let the fire of the Nettle protect you.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr63 Earth
Feminine, Earth. I am the Earth. I am Mother, I am Grandmother. It is from me that all life comes forth. I am the Great Turtle. Ground yourself through me. Learn from me the protective instinct of care and nurturing, the formation, the formulation, gestation and development. Through me you can see the beauty and gentleness in all that exists. I am the foundation, the very beginning. It is within me that the Shaman journeys for knowledge and wisdom, the timeless flight of ecstasy. I am the Lower World, I am the fifth direction. I am ancestor. I am the root. I am the female, the magnetic, the yin, the left side.
~3 of Spades
The unknown. Hidden things. The subconscious. In relation to the Earth, the card tells you to look deep within yourself, to seek the unknown, and you will receive the knowledge and wisdom you need. Reach into your subconscious, cause in there you'll find the roots you did not even know that you had, and a hidden strength will be revealed.
The end of the Year: September - December
Shaman Wisdom Cards / Deck of Cards
LOVE - Sex, Relationships, Feelings, Flirting
A small tip to remember about love - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr16 Marmot
Laziness, Voracity, Bashfulness. The sleeper receives no food.
~nr41 Oak
Masculine, North, Sun, Fire. I am the mighty Oak. I am strength. I am longevity. My powerful presence increases confidence and magnifies opportunities. You are in the right place at the right time. Within my shadow you will feel secure and protected. My vitality and productivity are yours. The magic within the acorn nourishes relationships. Through my ancient energies and powers you are healed and enriched. I am the Courages Warrior of the Boreal Forests.
~7 of Clubs
The power of family. Physical strength. In relation to the Oak, it promises a stronger health and better family ties. This is the right time, and a relationship will strengthen. All quarrels with the family will be resolved, and you are free to nurture your love and your relationship.
MONEY - Job, Financial situation, Income, Fortune, Material wealth
A small tip to remember about money - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr6 the Virgin
Precision, Rationality, Introversion. Only if one is alone can the veil of confusion fall.
~nr16 Owl
North, Feminine, Air. I am Owl. I am clarity of intuition and wisdom. My keen hearing and crystalline vision gives me insight where others miss the picture. I am feared for my ability to "see in the dark". I discern truth from fiction with my watchful, silent observation of my domain. Wisely sitting on the fence post, on my brother's shoulder, or in the top of my favourite pine, I see and hear all. I stealthily and silently zero in on my desires and dreams. Nothing is hidden from me.
I am clarity of vision and wisdom. As I silently float onto your shoulder, I am telling you to keep a watchful eye open at all times. There are those who wish you didn't see beneath the surface of their realities. Protect yourself or others will take advantage of you. You are naturally discerning and intuitive. Continue to listen and observe so you won't miss the subtle messages contained in my message. Remember, even in the darkness, you see what others cannot. Once the view is unobstructed, aim for the heart, the center - silently go after your desires and dreams. Along your way, you will encounter people who are apprehensive around you because of your psychic abilities and intuition. Stick to your truth.
~The Black Joker.
Sudden and unexpected change. Necessary changes. In relation to the Owl, the card tells you that your financial situation will suddenly change unexpectedly. Others may seek to take advantage of this, but stay true to yourself, trust in your strength and your abilities, and you'll be able to tell truth from lies. You are the joker, the psychic, the medium, and this will bring you great fortune.
SOCIAL LIFE - Friends, Partying
A small tip to remember about social life - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr13 Kandrakar's Heart
Luck, Energy, Entusiasm. The time has come to give everything.
~nr45 Aspen
Masculine, East, Mercury, Air. I am Aspen. I am the nurse tree. It is the time for nurturing the inner child. It is in my shade that evergreens grow back after fires and other natural disasters. Shaded by my protective foliage, I keep you safe from the known and the unknown. I am always there to help and assist you on your pathworking journey. I guard your mental well-being and resources. Eloquence and elegance are yours, use them to your advantage by being different. I am loyalty and harmony. You can depend on me; you can count on yourself.
~4 of Spades
Hidden or unknown cornerstones. In relation to the Aspen, the card tells you that you will discover new things regarding yourself and your relations to others. You will find new and strong cornerstones to build your foundation on, and the Aspen will keep you guarded as you start building. Be yourself. Be different. Trust in yourself. The true friends will stay by your side, and the false ones disappear.
HOME - Family, House, Relatives, Relations
A small tip to remember about home and family - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr4 Cancer
Sensitivity, Family, Change. Face the ghosts, and you'll see that they'll disappear.
~nr25 Calamus
Feminine, South, Moon, Water. I am Calamus. I am the clear voice that speaks the truth. I am the clear vision that sees reality. Use my powers to clear the issue, to discern the truth. I also relieve thirst and alleviate hunger. I offer protection by strengthening and healing within. I am strong and powerful. Good fortune is indicated when I am on your path. Abundance is in the truth; use me to see that truth, use me to speak that truth. Seek the Root of the Matter, which will help you understand the foundation of the issue. I am one of the most powerful and useful plants. Use me with caution. Use me with respect and I will let you see the unknown.
~3 of Diamonds
Inner strength. Subconscious powers. In relation to the Calamus, the card tells you to look within for the strength you need to see the truth of things. There may be issues in regarding home and family, but the Calamus will help you see clearly if you use it respectfully. Good things are coming, as long as you trust in the Calamus and your inner strength.
SELF - Soul, Inner world, Body, Inner self
A small tip to remember about your inner self - W.I.T.C.H. ~nr24 Cat
Elegance, Freedom, Sensitivity. Learn to act, but also to wait.
~nr8 Falling Leaf Moon
Scorpio, Baskets, Adult. I am the Moon of Falling Leaves. It is a time of apparent death and transformation. For without letting go of the old, you cannot take on the new. My wisdom leads you to ultimate understanding of nature and the universe. That which has been a smoky mystery to you will become clear. Learn what I have to teach and pass it on to future generations. Your passionate nature will be amplified at this time and deep relationships will follow. Be flexible and go with your intuitions, trust your feelings. I am the present, the past, and the future.
~The Red Joker
Positive Change. In relation to the Falling Leaf Moon, the card speaks of changes within yourself, good changes, and transformation. Now's the time to let go of things that has been, and focus on the new and the positive. You've gained the wisdom you need by looking into yourself, and now you can put that wisdom to good use. Follow your own feelings and instincts, and turn your face towards love and all that it brings. Now's the time.
OVERALL
An Overall look on Love in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XXI the World
Perfection, full result, reward. The end of a cycle. Triumph, success and gain. A task has been completed and the goal has been reached. You've finally accomplished something you've been working on, and now you're done and ready for new things. This year has been a journey through yourself and your feelings, and now you've finally reached the point where you're ready for love and happiness. You will find your chosen one, and your happy ending.
~X Gifu, Gebo
Gift, offering, relationship, love, marriage, partnership, generosity, unexpected good fortune. Gebo is a rune of connection, particularly the connections between people. Up until now, our journey has been a solitary one. This rune represents those places where our path intersects with others, and allows us to begin to form conscious relationships. Such relationships are strengthened and sanctified by the exchange of gifts.
Magical Uses: to find or strengthen a relationship, for fertility, to mark a gift or offering, to bring luck
Gifu and the World together tells you that 2014 is a good year for love. Be cautious at the beginning of the year, even if you meet someone, cause things aren't as they seem and jumping into things too soon will cause problems, especially within the family. Focus on your home, your art, and yourself first and foremost, and listen to everything around you. Take the time to create something, a gift, and nurture your abilities, cause the time is not yet right for a relationship.
As you reach the middle of the year, things will start to roll and happen on their own, and the best course of action is none. Stay your hand and let things go as they go, and you'll be led down the right path. Focus on the money situation from the beginning of the year, and continue your work there, and all will be well. Fate will make sure to bring the love you need your way when you need it. Have faith and trust in your destiny!
Towards the end of the year, the time is right to establish relationships and go forward to new beginnings. You'll be able to solve any family issues that may have occured this year, and your health will improve. This will allow you to focus on nurturing your love and your newfound partner. You've finally reached the end of the quest, and gained your reward; your one, true love.
An Overall look on the Financial Situation in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~VI the Lovers
Trial, exam, choice in emotional matters, need for a decision. Choice and love. You stand before a difficult choice between two very different things, and have to carefully weigh the choice before making it. Trial and difficulties. If you're unsure whether to invest your money in something or not, take your time to properly think before making the final choice.
~F fe, feho
Prosperity, money, wealth, concern with physical and financial needs, goals, promotion, self-esteem, centeredness, karma. Fehu is both the day-to-day reality of our lives and the catalyst that awakens us to what lies beyond. It is whatever we think we are seeking, which frequently bears no resemblance to what we will eventually find. It is also our home, for after all our wanderings we will still need to attend to our physical needs and ground ourselves in the simple pleasures of home, family, and good work. Oz might be a fun place to visit, but after a while all you really want to do is go back to Kansas.
Fehu reminds us that we must be secure in our physical situation before embarking upon any spiritual journey. We all must begin with the mundane reality of our lives, although many people never get beyond this. In many ways, we have become as domesticated as the cattle, living our day to day existence without wanting or even being aware of anything more being possible. The first step in breaking away from this situation is to catch a glimpse of what is possible, without dwelling on what security we may lose to attain it.
Magical Uses: for money, business, promotion, finding a job, achieving a goal, starting new enterprises
Fe and the Lovers together tells you that there is money to be gained this year, though you will have to work for it. Difficult choices must be made, but it is important that you focus on your daily needs above anything. Take control of your money and make sure your budget is a good one that prepares for anything. At the beginning of the year you'll have to work extra hard, but this will reward you with unexpected money.
Towards the middle of the year, it's important to focus on your inner self, cause the world within you will be of great help. You'll be ready for something new and fresh, if you focus on your feminine side and your female relations - mothers, sisters, daughters - and this could bring a new income in to your life. It is a time of change!
As you reach the end of the year, these changes will come rather sudden and unexpected. You'll discover something new, unseen by others, and this will help you gain money. People might try to take advantage of you because of this new change, but be true to yourself and listen to your instincts, and you will be fine. You've got strong psychic abilities and a good intuition, and it will help you pick out the true people among the false ones. You may have to choose between your "friends" and financial situation, but if you trust yourself you'll make the right choice, and money will come your way.
An Overall look on your Social Life in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XVII the Star
Faith, hope, favourable Omen. Inspiration and guidance. A time of peace and order after war and chaos, promising light after a time of darkness. Do not lose hope, cause good things are coming, and it is time for a new start. You'll gain new friends, and your social life will prosper and become one that you enjoy.
~U ur, uruz
Energy, passion, vitality, instinct, wildness, sexuality, fertility, the unconscious, primitive mind, irrationality, shamanic experience, rite of passage. Uruz is the rune of the God of the sacred hunt and his shaman/priest. Following the kind of mundane, day to day survival represented by fehu, it is the first recognition by mankind of the divine in nature, and his first attempt to control it through the use of sympathetic magic. It also represents an awareness of death and our own mortality, which may well be the only thing which truly distinguishes us from other animals. The energy of this rune is raw, powerful, and distinctly masculine, in the sense that it is pure, elemental fire. The boy who has killed the aurochs has just entered manhood, and has therefore been initiated into the first level of the mysteries - the awareness that the source of life is death.
Magical Uses: to strengthen the will, increase sexual potency and energy; for hunting
Ur and the Star together speaks of a new beginning in your social life. You've reached the place where you need to be, and you are now considered an "adult". At the beginning of the year, it is important that you remain flexible and open, because it will help you get a new outlook on love. It is a good time for social relations, and new friends will bring new aspects to your life, and a new potential partner.
As you reach the middle of the year, it is time to let your newfound, as well as old, friends, see who you truly are, and set the groundrules for what you want out of friendship, and love. This will help you see the truth of things, and you will discover something you did not know.
As the year nears the end, you'll start to see people for who they truly are, and you'll make more discoveries. True friends will reveal themselves, and at the same time you will see who are being false friends, and you'll gain new bricks to build the foundation of your social life on. Trust in yourself, dare to be different, and you'll find the light you've been searching for.
An Overall look on Home and Family in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~VIII Justice
Balance, Fairness, Justice. Respect of natural law. Wise and impartial choices. Take a moment to get some distance between you and the matter, to see all sides of it, and you'll be able to judge it fairly. It may not be wise, this year, to take sides in the matters of home and family, but rather take distance to see the truth of things.
~T tyr, teiwaz
Duty, discipline, responsibility, self-sacrifice, conflict, strength, a wound, physicality, the warrior path. Tyr's sacrifice of his hand to allow the binding of the Fenris Wolf was a noble one, and notable in a pantheon of deities not known for their sense of duty and ethical responsibility. He is believed to be one of the oldest of the Norse Gods - a Bronze-age rock carving was found in Scandinavia depicting a one-handed warrior - and his position may well have originally superseded that of Odin. Tyr's rune is also one of the oldest in the fuþark, having survived virtually unchanged from the earliest Bronze-age carvings. It represents all those qualities associated with the God: strength, heroism, duty and responsibility. But it also represents a deeper mystery - that of the wounded God. Like þurisaz, the pain of teiwaz focuses the attention and forces discipline. However, in this case the effect is more conscious and the wound carries a greater significance. Uruz has been confronted and bound, and the lessons of teiwaz and hagalaz have been learned. This is the path of the warrior.
Magical Uses: protection, victory, strength, strengthening the will, healing a wound
Tyr and Justice together tells you to stay strong and impartial this year, regarding matters of home and family. If you stay fair, seeing matters from all sides, you will be victorious and keep control of things. At the beginning of the year, focus your efforts on your home, your nest, more than anything, cause you might need to prepare for the arrival of a child. If you're planning renovations, or buying a new home, this would be the right time for it. In matters of family, keep your distance and try to see the big picture before judging.
As you reach the middle of the year, love might cause some trouble in matters regarding your family. Maybe someone in your family won't approve of your newfound love? Take care not to get too emotional, but rather stay calm and try to see things from their side as well. If handled the right way, there won't be any problems at all.
By the end of the year you'll see the truth of things. The problems that may have occured in the middle of the year will be solved, cause seeking within you'll find the strength you need to see the real issues and seek out the root of the problems. You'll find clarity, and by continuing seeing things from all sides, you'll find peace and good fortune. Stay honest and fair, and be respectful!
An Overall look on your Inner Self in 2014 - Tarot / Runes
~XIV Temperance
Moderation, Harmony, Recovery, Adaption. Sharing one's feelings and not surpressing them. Find harmony within yourself, take your time to recover from past injuries, and adapt to the future ahead of you. After death, one needs time to heal the wounds within oneself. This year is a time of meditation, and listening to your inner voice to find the right path in life. You will find the guidance you seek within yourself, so have patience and you will gain the balance you've been needing.
~H hagl, hail
Sudden loss, ordeal, destruction, disaster, clearance, testing, karmic lesson, drastic change. The idea of the destruction of the old being necessary to the growth of the new, as contained in the Norse myth of Ragnarok, is essential to our understanding of this rune. Interestingly enough, hagalaz lies between kenaz (fire) and isa (ice), reminding us of the Norse creation myth and the creative potential that lies between these two opposites, even though their meeting may seem at first to be destructive. Like the Tower in the Tarot, hagalaz is only a negative rune if we choose to view it in that way, and refuse to learn its lessons. Appearing as it does at the beginning of the second aett, it marks both a beginning and an end, and knocks us out of the safety and complacency of wunjo. It represents what a friend of mine used to refer to as the 'flying ladle syndrome' - that whenever things appear to be going too well, you can expect a good, healthy whack in the head from the Fates, just to make sure you're paying attention.
These sorts of 'wake-up calls' from the Gods will happen frequently throughout a person's life, but are often misinterpreted as divine punishment for some imagined wrong when in fact they are merely a way of drawing your attention to a recurrent pattern in your life. Unfortunately, these types of events have a tendency to repeat themselves with greater and greater severity until the lesson is learned and the pattern is broken. For example, someone who needs to break their dependency on a certain type of person will find themselves in relationships with such people over and over again with more and more disastrous results until they recognize the pattern as emanating from themselves and break it willingly.
Magical Uses: removing unwanted influences, breaking destructive patterns
Hagl and Temperance together tells you to take the time you need to seek within yourself. You are stil recovering from the injuries you gained in the past, and need more time for meditation. In the beginning of the year, it is highly important that you focus on yourself and your inner world. Nurture your abilities. You are psychic and creative, and now's the time to focus on that. Be the medium your true self is! But also make sure you focus on the love inside you. There is more there than you are aware of. Seek within to find the source of your love and your strength.
As you reach the middle of the year, it will become clear to you that there are things hidden inside you that you were never aware of. The source of your love, your strength, and you true roots, it will be found within you. You are the mother, the creator from which all life comes from, and it is time you nurture your creations. Bring out your inner world, see the beauty of it, and use your newly gained knowledge and wisdom to continue building on it.
At the end of the year, you will find yourself ready for a massive transformation. It is a very big and important change, and it will be very positive. What you've learned from focusing on your inner world and yourself will help you reach new heights. You will gain a new understanding of everything, of nature and the universe, and our very existence, and it will change you for the better. You will be ready for new beginnings, a better financial situation, a stable home and good family ties, newfound friends, and a new love. This is YOUR time!
The Elements - Wolf Song Cards
FIRE - Feelings, Emotions
~Ocelot
Procrastination, Avoidance, Reluctance. In Ocelot, man finds one of the most beautiful creations of the Universe, not only in face and body, but also intelligence and spirit. He is adaptable and cunning, using all of his talents to make his way through life. Ocelot uses all of his skills (physical, mental and psychic) to live life his own way. Ocelot learns from experience, and he is reserved and wary. He will tell you, if you will only listen, that those who may seem trustworthy often are not. Further, he cautions, those who think themselves moral and preach morality are often the least ethical. Ocelot knows each of them for who they are, and he avoids them. Further, he teaches his young to live quitely, but well away from prying eyes and those who would exploit them.
However, Ocelot is not a hermit eschewing all companionship. A soul loyal and true, Ocelot loves not easily, but deeply. Once he has made a friend, he cherishes the friendship. However, Ocelot is reluctant to plunge into a new adventure or to confront an old problem. Ask yourself "why?" Ocelot takes his time rather than taking the risk of being someone's trophy. Ocelot counsels us to listen to our instincts, to understand the basis of evasion. From him, we learn the difference between the distasteful and the dangerous.
There are times when procrastination may have some redeeming value. Precisely whose priority is the task at hand, anyway? Stand before yourself as judge, and ask yourself whether or not you are procrastinating because you are reluctant and fearful, or because you have other pressing concerns of your own. If you are reluctant and fearful, then Ocelot has come to tell you to plunge out of the brush, and run along the path. If you have other concerns, then Ocelot has appeared to tell you to slip quietly into the woods, and to stop letting others run your life.
Regarding your feelings, Ocelot is telling you to be careful and wary. Trust in your experience, and your instincts, and do not jump into things. Take your time, and you will find the right path.
EARTH - Body, Physical self, Health
~Bobcat
Self-sufficiency, Secrecy, Holds own counsel. Bobcat is the epitome of individualism. He goes about his own business, and takes care of what needs doing. He will tackle projects and problems that are not only larger than he is, but larger than life itself, and succeed with aplomb. Bobcat is the very image of the self-sufficient, decisive soul.
However, such a solo induvidual is not a builder of communities and fellowship. He does not need others to stimulate his intellectual curiosity, to keep him company, or to help him in his given career. He tends to prefer working in an area where he is in control and usually working alone. His family life often appears to be dysfunctional, but in reality, it works very nicely as long as his mate's personality matches his. Bobcat children are keepers of secrets, highly ethical, and good problem solvers. As a child or an adult, Bobcat can be obsessive about any subject that interests him, and stubbornly disinterest concerning anything else. He often becomes expert in his own field of endevour, and is unperturbed by his ignorance of other areas.
Bobcat as a mother is a fierce protector of her children, even refusing to let their father help until they are older. Bobcat fathers provide what their young need, and help teach them to be independent. Bobcats often have trouble with close relationships since their solitary nature results in a behaviour that is often misunderstood as rejection. Bobcat wants his time alone, and the subject is not open to discussion, not even with his mate. His love can be earned by someone self-sufficient as he, but it can be lost if there is too much talk about "getting in touch with feelings and then sharing them." Bobcat is in touch with his feelings and if he wants to share them, he will do so without anyone's prompting. Mostly, he wants his privacy and to walk his path undisturbed by annoying chatter.
Tell a secret to a Bobcat, and he will carry it to his grave. Ask his advice, and he will tell you to figure out your own problems because you have to live with the consequences. He will, however, direct you to the information you need to solve the problem.
Bobcat tells of a time to be self-sufficient. Secrecy and holding one's own counsel are advisable at this juncture; do not betray confidences. Others are not entitled to everything you know, think, or feel. Learn to hold your tongue, observe and learn. Remember, too, self-sufficiency is not the same as selfishness; do not confuse the two. You must learn to rely on yourself, not lean on others, for they have their own lives to attend. You must become expert in your own affairs, your own business. A lively interest in everything, but lack of expertise in anything is the life of an underachiever. Bobcat reminds you that you must survive, and that you cannot depend on others for your survival. You have talents, develop them. Choose what interests you, not someone else. Worry less about what others do and what they say. Do not trouble yourself over the opinions of others unless they have something useful to say. Do what you do, do it well and do it with pride. Bobcat tells you the only real accomplishment in life is what you do yourself. There is nothing wrong or sinful about honest pride.
Regarding your body, Bobcat is telling you to not listen to what anyone else says about your physical health and appearance. You know best. Your body is your body, so no one but you is entitled to say what should be done with it. There's no need to counsel with anyone else regarding your health. You already know what to do.
WATER - Soul, True self
~Black Bear
Introspection, Self-analysis. Black Bear is reserved, even shy, but friendly. He will never hurt anyone purposely, but he will lash out if he is frightened or mightily provoked. Physically, he will do no harm unless his life or the lives of his family are in peril. He is a good mate and a loving, protective parent.
You will find Black Bear in places of tranquility. He eschews environments where the pace is frantic and the stress is high. Though he avoids crowds, he is not always a recluse, and he will, sometimes, entertain a select few. He is very charming when he consents to socialize, and he is very amusing. Black Bear is more popular than he is interested in being, and after too short a time for his admirers, he disappears into his beloved solitude.
Black Bear's lessons are not a recommandation to act the hermit. Rather, he tells of the need to find places of quietude. Only in such places may you learn the arts Black Bear has mastered: introspection and self analysis. Black Bear tells us that only these two gfts to ourselves will let us experience, even recognize the additional and wonderful gifts of great love, the enjoyement of having fun, and the joy of life. Further, they will help us accept that while we may not be able to understand hate, we can reject it without any need for explanation. Remember, Black Bear urges, there are things that the introspective soul will understand that the person who has not experienced such self-analysis cannot. How to explain something that cannot be comprehended without experience? The answer is, Black Bear assures, to not explain. Simply enjoy life, and reject hate.
Wander the dense forest of experience not as an ascetic, but as a traveler who knows the truth is in his own soul. Follow Black Bear's counsel, stand back from your ego, and ask what everyone's motives (including your own) really are. Self-analysis is only useful when it is trie, not merely self-reassurance or farce of introspection. Black Bear cherishes the uniqueness of each soul, he recognizes the talents of each clan member as important to both the group and the individual. Change your attitudes, be more generous and more circumspect.
The appearance of Black Bear signifies a desire for introspection and self-analysis. Stop and listen to yourself, do not fear the words of your soul. Leave the frenzy for a while so you can hear. Black Bear cautions, howver, that you must not become so enamored of the process that you forget to forge ahead and achieve. Introspection is not an excuse for immobility. Rather, it and self-analysis are part of the preparation needed for forward motion. Face change and live life to the fullest.
Regarding your soul, Black Bear tells you to look into yourself. This is a time to look inwards, to listen to your soul, and to find your true self and true purpose in life. The answers can all be found within.
AIR - Mind, Thoughts, Creativity
~Wood Duck
Patience, Harmony with environment. Regal and calm, the Wood Duck is the symbol of patience and harmony with its surroundings. Serenely swimming in waters not always calm, the Wood Duck retains its dignity as it works to make progress without causing damage. The male Wood Duck is a warrior, its regalia of beautiful feathers blending in with the environment or bursting out at intruders to defend the family hunting grounds. The female, more subtle but still lovely in her softer dappled colour, lays her eggs in the cavities of trees and cares for the young while her mate provides food. When it is time for the little ones to learn the lessons of life, their parents escort them to the pond, their classroom. Wood Duck patiently teaches his young how to live in harmony with others and with their surroundings. His efforts will ensure their comfortable survival and the comfortable survivial of their young.
Wood Duck moves in small, close circles, not large communities. He is skilled at finding what he and his family need to live prosperously, and he seldom strays far from his ancestral home. He adapts to his environment rather than trying to change it, but he will modify his territory to suit the family needs. Wood Duck is master of recycling when it comes to living space, he will find an old home and turn it into a fine nest. He is a master of negotiating obstacles with ease; his spirit is such that he will not waste his energies or resources on hopeless battles with large trees.
This symbol indicates the need for cultivating patience, and working with your environment, not against it. It tells you of the need for knowing when to be in the background, and when to burst forth, ready to do battle. Wood Duck is a sensible creature, not shy, but not interested in glory. He accepts change as inevitable, and adapts to it as needed.
Regarding your own mind and thoughts, Wood Duck tells you to stop working against it. Find harmony within your own mind, and make use of the creativity it holds. Take what you already have built, and make it into something even better.
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