I haven't really been all that active in my blog writing lately, but there's a reason for it. First of all, I'm living with my parents these days, since I'm in the middle of selling my apartment and moving, and secondly I sold my computer a short while ago. I'm going to buy a new one when I sell my apartment, but for now I'm just borrowing mum's computer when I need to go online.
But most importantly, I'm extremely busy with renovations these days, cause I've bought myself a new apartment! It took some pleading with the bank to get them to give me a loan despite not having sold my old apartment, but they finally gave in and let me have it, so literally just a week before x-mas I bought my new home.
It's a really nice apartment, bigger than my old one, and it's in an area I've wanted to live in for quite a while. It's in an apartment building that is a part of a group of buildings known as "Stjerneblokkene", which literally translates to "the star blocks", and the road I live on is called "stjerneveien" (the star road), so I'll be living among the stars now! =D
The actual apartment needs a lot of work done before I can move in, cause it looked like nothing much had been done with it since the place was built sometime in the 50s, and it is in desperate need of some love. Most of the rooms only needs a bit of paint, but I'll be renovating the entire kitchen as well. The bathroom also needs a bit of renovating, but I'll wait with that until later this year when I've saved up some money. The most important part is to get the kitchen done, and the rest of the rooms freshened up a bit, before I move in. There's a lot to do, and I'm tired and exhausted, so it'll take time, but luckily my mum and dad is helping out a lot.
I just hope I can get my old apartment sold as quickly as possible, cause the main thing slowing down the renovations on the new place is my lack of money. Once I sell my old apartment, I'll have the money I need to get things finished so I can start living there. So, fingers crossed for me selling as quickly as possible!
My birthday is tomorrow, and for the first time in my life I'm not anxious about it. I'm not freaking out or running around in a state of panic, nor am I curled up in a corner while sobbing hysterically while praying for someone or something to come kill me. I'm actually okay with the fact that it's my birthday tomorrow. That's kind of a huge step for me, considering that I've had birthday anxieties for years now, and that I used to break down about a month before my birthday and spend that entire month just freaking out. Now I'm just pondering on what to do on the actual day, and if I'll be able to finish the things I want to finish before the weekend so I can have the celebration I've planned. I'm actually looking forward to it! Talk about a change.
A lot of things have changed. I've grown confident and sure of myself, I've put the anxieties and depressions behind me, and I've taken control of my life. Sure, I'll never 100% okay and function normally, but now I've finally accepted that and stopped pushing myself in directions that'll just make me ill. I'm okay with being who and how I am, and I am no longer ashamed of myself nor my health. I know I can't do as much as everyone else can, so I've stopped expecting more of me than what I can deliver. And I've learned not to push myself too hard, and to take breaks when I need them.
I still feel a small sting when people ask me what I work with and I have to tell them that I'm on a pension for the disabled, and they get that look on their face that says that either they're surprised that I'm sick cause it doesn't show, or that they think I'm just lazy. And it still stings when people tell me how lucky I am that can sit at home all day and just do nothing while they have to work and make money. But at least that small sting is just exactly that; a small sting. There's nothing wrong with being on a pension for the disabled, cause I have a valid reason for why I'm on one, and the people telling me I'm lucky just don't know any better. So yeah, I've accepted things, and I'm okay with it all.
Another thing that has changed is that I am starting to get ambitions again. For a while, I had given up on ever having a decent future, and I stopped dreaming of things I wanted to do. Now, I'm making new dreams, and plans. My first priority is to get my apartment finished, of course, but once I do I've got some other plans that I'll set into motion. My goal is to make reality of my plans sometime this spring, so I've got until then to get everything else around me up and running properly. I'm not gonna say much about it, other than that I am really excited and I hope things will go as planned.
So, with a new year, a new home, a new me, and new plans, I really do feel like this'll be a fantastic year, and I'm really seeing stars on the horizon.
Wish you all the best, my dear readers, and a fantastic year!
