Insert witty title here

You know what the worst part of being a woman and having periods is? It's not the cramps, nor the bleeding, but the god damn mood swings. Going from being on top of the world to suddenly wanting to die in a matter of seconds is so fucking annoying. Especially when you're used to being on an emotional rollercoaster pretty much every day of the year.

Ah, yes, I'm just swell.

The good days are good, and the bad days are bad.

My last proper update was in August, so I figured it was time for a new one now. Things have been hectic (mainly in my head), so I just haven't felt up for sitting down and putting words to how I've been. I spent a couple of weeks at my parent's place back in August, while my bathroom got renovations done, but I moved back as soon as the toilet got installed again. I love my family, but having people around me when I'm fighting such hard battles inside myself is just too tiring for everyone. That, and I literally had no alone time, which is hard when you're an introvert. And, also, I became a burden. They didn't say so out loud, but I felt it, and it crushed me. I can't stand that feeling.

Renovations aren't done just yet, but it's just minor things left so I'll manage to get it done. Things are going somewhat slow because autumn is here with all its darkness and rain, and it's killing both my body as well as my head, but I'm determined to be done with ALL the renovations in the entire apartment before Xmas this year.

I just hope I can manage that.

Aww, man, I have way too many things I want to rant about right now, but I just don't feel like writing any of them down. Besides, ranting won't really get me anywhere, nor fix anything, so why the fuck bother. Wow, weirdo mood, much?

Life... Is strange.

I got hooked on a game I accidentally stumbled over a couple of days ago. One of the pages I follow on facebook posted a picture of two girls, and one of of them looked exactly like I did when I was younger (and I still had my natural brown haircolour), while the other one had blue hair - just like I do right now. Naturally, that pricked my interest, and I had to ask where the pic was from, and I got directed towards a game; Life is Strange. It looked somewhat interesting, so I made a note out of it, and the next day I hunted it down on Steam and bought it.

And, wow. I played the first episode on friday, and it just totally blew my mind. It's one hell of a game, and its attention to detail is just insane, and it even has time travel in it - my number one favourite thing to obsess over. And then there's the whole thing about it totally kicking me in the stomach by reminding me of really personal things.

The main character, Max, really reminds me of myself. Or, rather, the person I once used to be. She's an awkward and geeky artist (though she takes pictures instead of drawing, and, man, she has an old instant development camera, which is something I've been wanting for years), and the whole game is about how she came back to her home town after having been away for five years. And then there's her best friend, Chloe, whom has totally changed and gotten herself into quite a lot of trouble - which includes drugs - and so many other things that makes me draw parallels to my own life and people in it. The whole game has gotten me on a real trippy nostalgia trip, and I'm not sure whether it's a good or a bad thing. Either way, it has pushed me into a somewhat strange corner - both thought and mood-wise.

On the upside, it has made me want to do more art just for the sake of doing art. I used to do that a lot, in the past, but for so many years now I've been treating drawing as a job. Because, well, it kind of is my job - or at least as close as I can get to one. Dedicating my life to getting out everything I have in my head through drawing and writing has sort of taken over my entire existence, and I've almost stopped enjoying art because of it. I've also gotten seriously touchy when it comes to my art, to the point where I'm pretty much taking everything as an insult when people comment on it. I don't know how the hell that happened, or why, but I do know that I see it now, and that it bothers me. It shouldn't be like that. I took a wrong turn somewhere.

I kind of want to rewind.

Heh, lame Life is Strange pun intended.

But, you know, it's kind of weird, but to be honest I don't want to go back in time. Yeah, sure, there's been a lot of shit in my past, and there's a lot of things in my life I wish was different, but I still wouldn't want to actually go back and change anything. I am where I am for a reason, and instead of regretting past choices I should focus on figuring out those reasons. I think that's what everyone should do when they're struggling. Stop focusing on all the things you should've done differently, and instead try to figure out how to make the best of the consequences of those choices. Life is a lesson, so pay attention and learn. That really is the best way to handle life.


Anywho.

My inner demon backed down a while back, right in the middle of our fighting. Not sure why, though. She just suddenly went all quiet on me, and has been ever since. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, nor do I know if I want her to stay away or to come out and fight so I can be done with it. Does her disappearance mean that I am slowly winning this thing, or does it mean that I'm on the verge of losing? It's so damned hard to tell.

I want to go out more. As in, actually leave the apartment and do something other than sit here and stare at a computer screen. It doesn't necessarily mean I want to go out and be among people - let's face it; I'll never a proper social and extroverted person, and I'm fine with that - but I want to see more than just the walls of my own home. I want more air, both literally and metaphorically. Metaphorically... Is that even a word? I don't know. Doesn't matter. My point is that I miss being able to go out and do something on my own. The fibroshit has really fucked me over on that area, cause I can't do a damn thing without having someone to drive me around, and I'm constantly depending on having that god damned cane with me wherever I go.

Ugh. Now I'm ranting. Come one, you freak, ranting won't get you anywhere, so stop that. Instead of crying over problems, try using that energy to find solutions. That'll get you a lot further than ranting ever will.

But yeah, I have a cane now, as I've mentioned before. Now, I just want to clarify one thing; yes, I can walk just fine without it. When I'm at home, I don't use it at all. But, the main reason for that is that when I'm at home, I'm not moving around too much, and I sit down for a while every time I've been walking - even if it's just a short trip to the kitchen and back again. I can walk just fine on most days, but not for long. After walking for a little bit, my legs get tired, and they go from just aching to really hurting, and when that happens I need to sit down immediately. If I don't, then the pain'll just get worse, to the point where it'll hurt like fuck for the rest of the day, even if I'm sitting. Which is why I have the cane. For one, it allows me a tiny bit of rest since I can lean on it whenever I stop, and it also helps take away some of the pressure off my legs while I'm walking. And, most importantly, having it there reminds me that I need to take it easy and don't push myself too much, which is something I tend to do way too often.

My point is that even though I may appear totally fine, and able to walk around without the cane, I can't do so for long without seriously hurting myself. I need very regular breaks, and the possibility to sit down the moment I feel tired, which makes leaving the apartment really hard for me. When I'm at home, I can sit whenever and wherever I want, so I'm not troubled with too much pain. It's a whole different matter when I go somewhere, which is one of the main reasons for why I just stay at home instead. Less pain equals better days.

Aaaand, I'm back to the ranting again. Seriously, woman, pull yourself together. You whine too much, as people so politely have pointed out, so just suck it up. Focus on something else instead.

Like wrapping up this entry before you rant the damned thing to death.
Yeah.
Good plan, that.

Hope all of you lovely creatures out there are doing good, and that life is treating you well. If it isn't, then kick life in its god damned balls, and give it the finger. Aight? Love you all, my lovelies~

KeyJester User Manual v1.2

I should write a proper update on things, but life's hectic, and I'm just not feeling up for it. Instead, I feel that it's time for a major update to my User Manual, because, one; I've gained a lot of new friends since the last one, and, two; I've gone through a lot of personal changes. This time I've decided to divide it into sections, for a better reading experience. So, on that note, here's the updated version of the KeyJester User Manual.


Index:
0.Basic Information
1.General Personality Information
2.Physical and Mental Health
3.Social Interactions
4.Art and Work
5.General Notes to Remember

0.Basic Information

• I am physiologically female, and 80% of the time I identify as female. But I have genderfluid moments - some days I'm a guy, other days I'm neither or both - and mostly I don't care much for binary boxes. They're boring, and they create limits. I don't like limits.

• I am wibbly wobbly sexy wexy. Some people consider me to be pansexual - attracted to anyone, regardless of their gender and/or gender identity (I'm attracted to personality, not gender) - and that's probably the closest you'll get to a proper label. My sexuality is fluid as fuck, and pretty much all over the place, depending on my mood, where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with (and which one of my other personalities is awake), and what day of the week it is. I can go from hardcore man-hating lesbian to hippie-love-everyone-equally in a matter of seconds, and either I'm nearly asexual and find sex and intimacy in general to be disgusting and icky, or I'm on a sexual high and I can't get enough. I won't draw you a map, but if you're curious then just ask and I'll answer. Okay, maybe I'll draw you a map. I like drawing maps.

• I'm obsessed with keys, and I collect them.

• I was born late on the 15th of January 1985, on a stormy winter night. In the western Zodiac I am a Capricorn, and on the eastern I'm a god damned Rat. Neither fits me, cause I am not hard-working nor down to earth. In my fictional Zodiac system, from my work, I'm a Phoenix and a Fire Wolf. Good luck figuring that one out.

• I'm 165 cm tall, and my weight tends to jump between 65kg and 90kg. Right now I think it's at 90, but I'm not sure cause I don't have a scale. I don't care much about weight.

• My eyes change colour depending on my mood and health. It can go from steely grey to bright turquoise, though the most common colour is a kind of light blue-ish. I think that's my neutral colour, but I'm not sure. My natural hair colour... It was a kind of brown, but with all the silver streaks I've gained over the years I'd say it's probably more grey/white mixed with various shades of brown, but I'm not sure since I dye it a lot. Right now it's blue, turquoise, and green.

• I really, really, really like keys.

• My favourite colour is the rainbow~ Okay, so I really love ALL colours, in some shade or another, but if I have to pick one favorite then I'd have to say turquoise. Other colours I generally really love is lime green and bright purple, as well as various shades of blue, blood red, and if I keep this up I'll end up listing all the colours in the world, cause, really, all colours have at least one shade I like. Colours are awesome!! My least favourite colours would be mustard yellow/brown, and the kind of depressing grey the sky gets when it's raining.

• My favourite number is 3, my favourite letter in the alphabeth is A, my favourite animal is the Wolf, though I also like all kinds of felines and dogs, and mythical creatures such as dragons and phoenixes. The Dragonfly is my spirit-guide, the symbol of the sun is my source of power, and the Fire is my element.

• I'M OBSESSED WITH KEYS.

• I want to start my own clan. No, seriously! I created my own last name - I'm the only one in the world that has it right now - and I want it to grow and evolve. I want a clan in that name, and a huge family tree that future generations can enjoy, and my own mansion surrounded by land named after my clan. I want a family crest, and a guardian animal, and everything else you can think of. I'm not even joking right now, I actually really want that!

• Did I mention I like keys? 

1.General Personality Information

• I am horribly emotional, to the point where I can make people uncomfortable. I don't get happy; I get so ecstatic that I bubble over with joy. I don't get sad; I get so deeply depressed that I just want to curl up in a corner and wait for death. I don't get angry; I want to destroy everything and everyone and if I can rain down hell then I will. I don't get nervous; I get an anxiety attack and nearly stop breathing after spending way too long breathing too much. I don't like things; I obsess obsessively over them for a long period where I live and breathe those things until I am no longer interested in them and then I move on to the next thing to obsess over. I cry easily, and for no reason, and I can sulk around for days. I smile and laugh, dance and sing, and I'll embrace everything that comes towards me. When I love, I love with all of my being and I give my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul to the one I love. When I hate, I'll go to great lengths to utterly destroy people's lives and I won't regret it for even a second. I feel everything, and I feel it so intensely that sometimes it's hard to breathe.

• I don't talk about my emotions. I should, considering how emotional I am, and how easily people can pick up on how I'm feeling, yet I very rarely tell anyone why I feel the way I feel. I feel. So. Much, and yet I am incapable of putting said feelings into words. I don't know why.

• I'm curious.
• I daydream a lot - often in situations where I really should be paying attention.
• I'm easily offended, and equally easily honoured, flustered, confused, and entertained.
• I'm a horrible drama queen, and a bit of a handful.
• I'm clumsy. (I don't know if I'm adorably clumsy, but, dear heavens, I hope so.)
• I like being alone, but I hate feeling lonely.
• The weather affects my mood a lot. Rain makes me sad, sunshine makes me giddy.
• I'm awkward.
• I'm weird.
• My humour is puntastic, and I tend to laugh at things I shouldn't.
• I'm insecure on bad days, and queen of the world on good days. 
• My personality changes faster and more often than I can keep up with some times
• I'm easily distracted, and I like shiny things. Bad combination.
• People have told me I'm very entertaining. I'm hoping that's a good thing.
• I'm proud, and have a hard time admitting it when I'm wrong.
• Apologizing is the hardest thing in the world, and I can't seem to do it with words.
• I joke about hard things, cause that's how I deal. Actually, I joke about everything, and have a serious problem staying serious for too long. Humour is my best friend.
• I give up too easily, and I'm too lazy.
• I don't handle criticism very well. Nor flattery.
• I have a hard time letting go of things and people I really should let go of.
• I get easily excited about things, and just as easily sick of them.
• I have issues with intimacy, and having strangers touch me for no reason makes me want to scream really loudly. I like cuddling, but only with people I feel safe with. Hugs are okay though, I'm very fond of hugs. Hugs are nice
• I really want love, and yet I'm horribly terrified of it.

• I want to be the strongest person in the world, and protect everyone around me, and at the same time I want someone to come save me.

2.Physical and Mental Health

• I am diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and it pretty much rules my life. It's a complicated diagnose that affects everyone differently, but it mainly causes constant pain all over your body (it feels like you're growing teeth everywhere, and you've been participating in a triathlon for a week without break) and severe fatigue. No matter what you do, you're always exhausted. You never get enough sleep to recharge yourself, and everything you do drains you a gazillion times more than it should. I live with that daily, and it makes everything hard to do. I'm on medication for it that barely takes some of the pain, and right now I'm dependant on a cane to walk - even on good days. I need regular breaks all the time, no matter what I'm doing, and stress nearly kills me. For a lot of patients, regular exercise can help, while for some it will only make it worse, and in my case it causes more pain. I also get badly affected by humidity, and on rainy days I feel like absolute crap, though if I am in a bad period then pretty much anything kills me. Easy thing to remember for you; I am always in pain, and I am always tired.

• I have Fructose malabsorption, which basically means that my intestines can't process fruit sugar. I blow up like a balloon, get severe stomach ache, and a nice case of diarrhea - all of which is pretty damn unpleasant. It's not hard to live with, as long as I stay away with things that has a lot of fruit sugar in them - which is basically every fruit ever, and a lot of veggies. My biggest enemies are onions, tomatoes, apples, carrots and paprika, so I stay the fuck away from them, as well as just generally avoiding all kinds of healthy food. My body is an asshole, and it wants to stay unhealthy. Not that I'm complaining, cause we all know I love unhealthy food anyway.

• I have a lot of general physical problems, such as constant headaches, problems with my knees, ankles, and hips, and my entire back. And I never really get enough sleep. All of these things are stuff the fibroshit loves to take and blow out of proportions, making them a gazillion times worse than what they need to be

• I'm senile. No, really, I have a very serious memory problem which I am currently under investigation for. I forget things I really shouldn't, and it goes way beyond just being a little absent-minded. You know how you can walk into a room, and then forget what you were doing there? I have that all the time. I get it when I walk into a room, when I'm working on things, when I'm talking to people, when I'm in the middle of town - I get so often confused and worried because I can't understand where I am and what I am doing. I joke about it a lot, but in all seriousness it's really horrible, cause I forget things that are important to me. Things I don't want to forget. Things, and people, I want to remember forever - it slips away from me, and I so very rarely get it back. And people get offended because I can't remember something they've told me a gazillion times, and it breaks my heart because I really didn't want to forget! I just can't help it.

• I am diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder, which basically means that any and all things make me nervous and a bit on edge, and it's easier for me to get anxiety. I have a severe stress problem (I'm even stressed when I'm sleeping, wtf), and if I get too stressed then my anxiety goes through the roof and I can end up collapsing both physically and mentally - and then I'm just inches away from a mental breakdown and becoming psychotic. Yay me~ But as long as I take that into consideration whenever I'm doing something - especially if I'm stepping out of my comfort zone - then I'll be just fine. I've learned to handle it, and how to live with it without any kind of problems. The fibroshit can also cause anxiety, so I got to be twice as careful, but I mainly manage pretty well.

• I am also diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder - DID for short - (formerly known as a Multiple Personality Disorder), and it means that there's more of me. I have alternate personalities that used to take control - some times just for an hour or two, or sometimes they could be in control for days - and I'd just black out completely, not remembering anything of it. These days, however, I've gotten control over them, and they don't come out unless I specifically let them. Right now they mainly live as voices inside my head that likes to talk to me (and maybe, just maybe, I kind of like talking to them), and influence me. In certain situations, when I get really uneasy, one of them wakes up and sort of helps me steer around, influencing me in the way I talk, act, and even how I dress, yet they don't take complete control as I am still me. I tend to refer to them as my roomies, and I am not ashamed of them. DID is a defence mechanism that kicks in during, or after, trauma of some kind, as a way to help the patient deal with said trauma by letting "someone else" handle it. I no longer have any need of them, but I'm pretty sure they're never gonna leave no matter what I do, so I've just accepted that and learned to enjoy the company they give.

• I have a very mild (in my opinion) case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it mainly manifests in an obsessive need to organize things. No, I am not a neat freak (omg, have you seen my home? It's fukken chaos!), but I need to have things in a certain way. My biggest issue is my compulsive need to colour code absolutely everything. All the rooms in my home is colour coded, and just implying that I should bring a blue chair into my red and grey livingroom will make me want to strangle you. No, really, I might physically hurt you. Colours are everything! I colour code the days, the months, the weather, the seasons, moods, people, thoughts, emotions, my other personalities - everything is colour coded! And if you don't respect my colour coding, then you are seriously hurting me, and I will hurt you right back.

• I've suffered under a very heavy depression most of my life, but managed to work my way through most of it. For a couple of years, I was even depression free, but then the fibroshit came and turned my life around, which has caused some fallbacks. But I'm working on it, and I am confident that I'll be able to get out of it again.

• I was diagnosed with both Avoidant Personality Disorder, as well as Dependant Personality Disorder, but I've kicked those out and I don't expect them to return. The ADP sends me letters every now and then, but I try to avoid opening them. (lol, see what I did there?)

• Two other disorders that the lovely doctors have noted that I most likely have (we stopped diagnosing me at one point because it just kept piling up) are Manic Depressive Disorder (otherwise known as Bipolar) and ADD (like ADHD, but without the hyperactivity). Either I'm on top of the world, better than anyone, and life is a wonderful adventure and I love everything, or I'm so far down below bottom that I just want to die. Either way, I'll always have trouble keeping up with reality, cause I've grown up within my own little world, and I'll never leave it.

• My mind is a chaotic bunle of joy that is, at best, utterly beyond any kind of reason, but I've learned to accept that, and enjoy it. I know I'm fucked up, and at this point I've just started loving it - and taking pride in it. Hey, it's better to laugh about it than cry about it, right?

3.Social Interactions

• I'm an introvert. Interacting and being around other people both physically and mentally drains me, leaving me horribly exhausted, and because of that I tend to avoid it. That combined with my bad health, and my random flares of social anxiety, makes all kinds of social interaction - both in person as well as online - really tough, and 99% of the time it means that I'll say no to your invitation to social activity. Do not, under any circumstance, take that personally! It has absolutely nothing to do with you, or how much I like you, and absolutely everything to do with the fact that spending time with others can literally make me physically sick. All kinds of interaction drains me, it's that simple. And so I prefer to stay on my own.

• If I do, however, choose to spend time with you, then you should be so fukken honoured, cause it means that I'll willingly let myself be drained instead of staying in my own safe little bubble, just to be around you. I only have a small amount of energy that I can use in a day, and the fact that I am giving that energy to you is a pretty big deal, and I hope you appreciate it. If you don't, then I can promise you that I won't ever waste my energy on you ever again.

• I'm not a chatty person. When people send me a text on my phone, or a personal message in my inbox on facebook, or just generally try to chat with me one way or another, I am most likely to ignore that. This is not because I don't like you! This is because whenever a message ticks in, my entire system panics and I need time to sit and calm down my nerves and program my entire brain to prepare it to interact with someone. For me, that is a lot harder than you can imagine! In all honesty, there's only one person in all of existence that I actually chat with almost on a daily basis, and that's my main RP partner. Mainly because about half of our conversations are related to my work, while the other half is related to our ongoing RPs - two of the most important things in my life. That, and I've had years programming my brain to handle chatting with her.

• I still love you. I don't need regular interactions to keep loving you. It can go days, weeks, months, even years between every time we meet/talk, and I will still care just as much about you as I did the last time we met/talked. To me, it will be like no time has passed, because that's just the kind of person I am.

• I talk about myself. A lot. Why? Because I know myself - it's not a difficult topic. I don't do small talk very well, and 90% of the time when I interact with other people I have no idea what to say and do, and so I stick to a safe topic that I'm familiar with. It's not because I'm self-centered, like most people believe, but because I simply aren't skilled in the ways of social interactions and prefer to stay on safe ground. That, and I'm an open person that have nothing to hide, and I don't mind sharing myself with others. Ask me anything, and I promise I'll answer. Other topics that I'll stick to would be general fandoms - mainly Zelda, Final Fantasy, Fairy Tail, One Piece, and Doctor Who - gaming in general, or my work.

• Don't ask about my work unless you're prepared for having your ears talked off. Once I start talking, I won't stop until you tell me to, or hit me over the head. It's the one area that I master more than anything, and I can talk about it forever. You've officially been warned.

• Tell me about you! I always want to know all there is to know about everyone around me, but I never ask. Either because I forget to, or because I don't know how to. But I want to know, so share. If you randomly start talking about that weird mole you found, or that one time you met a really fluffy cat, I won't give you weird looks or think bad of you - on the contrary; I'll appreciate it. As stated above, I'm bad with interactions, so when people tell me about themselves without me having to ask, I get really happy cause it makes things easier for me. Also, just because I don't ask how your day was, or how your trip to the docter went, it's not because I don't care. In my head I've already asked you, because I care and I want to know, but the words rarely make it to my mouth. NEVER ever think that I don't want to know, cause I always do. Don't wait for me to ask you - just tell me right away, because I will do the same. I talk about myself and how my life is without anyone asking, and I expect others to do the same in return. That's just how I am.

• I always care. I always think about you, every single day. I always wish nothing but the best for you, and pray that life will treat you well and that you'll be happy. Your well-being is so immensely important to me, and it always will be. But I won't ever say it. It's those thoughts of mine that never make it to my mouth to become words for you to hear. I'm sorry about that. I am trying to improve, but it's hard. So, until I get better at it, please remember; I care about you, and you are important to me. Always.

• Alcohol is a rule changer, approach with causion! Perhaps as a way to make up for my introverted omgHumansGetAwayFromMe-self, I get horribly social and outgoing when I drink. Just one beer is enough, cause I relax a little, and the muscles that are constantly tense from the stress actually get some time off. This makes it easier for me to interact with others. The amount of alcohol determines the level of social interaction, but it's never an exact way of measurement, so be careful. Also, don't just believe anything I say when I'm drunk! That saying that drunk people tell the truth is just utter bullshit, at least in my cause. When I'm drunk, I say the first thing that pops to mind, and I don't give a damn if it's true or not. I will also exaggerate pretty much everything, and I'll stuff your head with nonsense, and I'll promise you the world - all because I want to impress everyone around me so that they'll love me.

4.Art and Work

• I am an artist to the very core of my being, and I do art as a way of expressing who I am, and as a way to show how I think and feel. Any attack and/or critique aimed towards my art will be taken personally, and I will be offended and horribly hurt. My art is an extension of who I truly am, and if I show it to you then I only wish to share a part of myself with you, and I expect you to appreciate it and not criticize it. I understand that some of you may do so because you wish to help me "improve" my art, but... If you strip naked before someone, because you want to show them your body, and their response is "well, that's a nice body, but if you just trained that muscle a little more, then it would be a whole lot better." then you'll be hurt. I share my art with you because I want you to see who I am, not because I want to hear what you think I should change about myself to be "better." Okay?

• If I actually do come to you and ask for advice or tips when it comes to my art, then you better be pretty fukken honoured! It literally means that I value your opinions and your abilities more than I value my very own being. I am willing to expose myself, being completely unguarded and open for being horribly hurt, just to hear what you have to say. If you can't comprehend the significance of that, then don't expect me to ever show you anything ever again.

• I can't do art on command. I do art when the right kind of inspiration hit me, and when my body isn't causing too much pain, and even then it all depends entirely what kind of art I feel inspired to do. Because of that, I very rarely, if ever, do commissions. I sometimes do giftart for my loved ones, but that's about it. If anyone ever tells me what to draw, I can guarantee you that my inspiration-level drops down below zero. I get contacted privatly a lot by people wanting me to draw something for them, and my feelings are really torn regarding that. On one hand, I am so incredibly honoured that they think my art is good enough and that they want it, but on the other hand I get a bit annoyed because I feel kind of taken for granted. I'm not a source of free art for you! I may not be skilled enough - nor have the health - to do art for a living, but it's still really frustrating when people go "Oh, you're an artist, can't you draw this thing for me as a favour?" as if I'm there just to provide free art for people. Do you have any idea how much time and energy that goes into my art? How many hours I spend on each drawing, pouring everything of myself into them, and literally hurting myself in the process thanks to the fibroshit, and how much every little piece means to me? Every little drawing I do, whether it's something for myself or for someone else, they all have a little piece of me in them. I know that's not something you can put a price tag on, but it's definitely not free, nor something that should be taken for granted.

• My work is everything to me. I've spent over 20 years on it, and it is as much a part of me as I am of it - you can't have one without the other. To me, my work is my reality. My characters are my companions - as real and as dear as my loved ones - and the worlds are my home in which I've grown up. I am who I am because of my work - I am alive thanks to it - and without it I would not be able to keep existing. If you can accept my world, then I can accept your presence in my life. It's just that simple.

• Taking interest in my work (a serious and genuine interest, and not one of those "I'm just showing an interest to be polite" interests), is the safest way to reach my heart. Because taking an interest in my work is taking an interest in who I truly am, and wanting to know me on an even more personal level. My world will tell you a lot about me, if you only pay attention.

• I am always working. Always. Even when I'm out amongst people, my head is still working on something, plotting and planning, and it's probably the main reason for why I have trouble paying attention. I can't stop working, nor do I want to. It's all that I am, and asking me to put it away is like asking me to stop being me. If you want me in your life, you need to accept that my work goes with me everywhere. And if I really love you, I'll find a way to make you a part of my work.

5.General Notes to Remember

• My home is my safe bubble, and I rarely step outside of it for all of the reasons stated above. Also, I'm lazy, and I love my home. I really hate having visitors, and it's not because of the introvert thing - it's because my home is my sanctuary. It's my free place, my safe room, my sacred temple that I don't like other people defiling, and I prefer it to stay that way. Having people over is icky, at best. If I actually am in the mood (and have the health for) social interactions, I will do so outside my home. Mostly I'll just go to town, but every other blue moon or so I might go to a party or visit others. Though I don't like visiting others either... At least parties promises alcohol, and as we've already established; alcohol is a rule changer.

• If I invite you into my home willingly then OH FUCK you should feel honoured! And I'm not talking "dropping by to check out what the place looks like" kind of invite, but actually "come spend time with me, watch a movie or eat or play games, or something" kind of invite. Those are so fukken rarely given, so if you get one then you're beyond special. Take that to heart! (there are some people that have a standing invitation to drop by and visit me whenever they like, but I can count on one hand how many they are) 

• I'm a hoarder, and I collect a lot of things. KEYS are my main obsession, and I will try to steal yours if you're not careful. I love keys. Obsessively. Other things I obsessively collect would be characters (I'm an RPer, and artist, and an author, and that creates a lot of OCs), all things related to dragonflies, wolves, phoenixes, felines, fairies, dragons, jesters, Zelda, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Resident Evil, Grandia 1 and 2, Fairy Tail, RWBY, Once Piece, D.Gray-man, and lots of other various little things that I like. Also, I don't throw stuff away, cause everything can be a treasure if you just look at it the right way. I like seeing the value in things others consider trash...

• I struggle a lot with feeling real. Like I am a part of this world. Connected. Cause so often I feel so disconnected, and I look at my own hands and I wonder if I'm an actual person. Am I just dreaming? Or am I someone's dream? I don't know. And I can sit like that for hours, which can be so terrifying, before I snap out of it and everything goes back to normal. Though... Who am I to say what normal really is?

• I'm obsessed with symbols and the elements, and my work reflects that a lot.

• I always listen to music. The first thing I do in the morning is fire up spotify and put on one of my playlists, and I'll listen to music until I go to sleep again. I just can't function without music.

• I'm extremely territorial and protective of what's mine. This goes for both places (mainly my home) and items, as well as people. I am horribly protective when it comes to my loved ones! You can do pretty much anything to me, and I won't care, but hurt my loved ones and I will find a way to make your life a living hell.

• I'm addicted to After Eight.

• I am looking for something, or someone, or some place, and I can't seem to find it. I've been searching for years, and it even haunts my dreams.

• I am highly skilled at creating chaos. I may have a compulsive obsession for organizing, but my ability to create utter chaos unlike anything you've ever seen in the process can either be considered pretty darn impressive, or downright scary. You should see my home when I'm working on something; it makes people back up and leave. I'm also skilled at living in chaos without being too bothered by it. Chaos is my friend, and sometimes my lover.

• There's something about the stars.

• I have a cat! Her name is Luna, and she's a diva and a bitch that hates everyone. She's started to soften up a bit though, and now she'll let people come close enough to touch her. Though I'd love to have a dog, I doubt my health would be able to handle it. What I really want, however, is a wolf. Wolves are gorgeous.

• I'm loud. In a lot of ways. Interpret that however you like.

• Beer is the love of my life, coffee is my not-so-secret lover, and my bed is that one friend I can't stop fucking. All metaphorically speaking, of course.

• I like baking, but hate cooking.

• Keys. They're awesome. I like them. Gimme more!