fredag 6. februar 2015

Flashback Friday 1 ~ my Shadow

Hurrah for the first Flashback Friday! ....Which I forgot about posting so it's technically Saturday. Well, at least it's still friday some places in the world, right?

Ah, well. Moving on.

Now, I've talked about my world before, and my wonderful companions, so most of you are familiar with them. I can honestly say, hand on my heart, that no one has helped shape me the same way my companions have. They've been with me my entire life, and they've literally saved my life several times, and without them my life would be empty, and pretty much non-existent.

They've all been dear to me, and they've all left their mark on me in various ways, which have helped me grow and evolve as a person. My masks, in particular, have done quite a lot for me, both in good ways and in bad ways. Gina, Angel, the alien, Aria, and even Aswa. They've all contributed to my life in some way, and that has directly influenced me as a person - even though I was in a deep sleep during that time.

My wonderful older brother, Thomas, is one of the companions that mean the most to me, and his constant influence have helped me stay on my feet, even during the worsts of storms. He pushes me to go forward - to learn and to grow - always promising that he'll have my back, and it's that support that have kept me fighting to become even better.

But, no one has done as much for me as my own Shadow.

I don't know when she first appeared, but according to my mum I've been talking about her for as long as I've been able to talk. I can't even remember not having her there, and I'm certain that she's been with me since my birth. My first, my oldest, and my dearest companion.

My Elizabeth.

She's been my most treasured support my entire life, and every time I was ready to give up, she gave me the strength to continue. I grew up more or less alone - I had trouble making, and keeping, friends, and there were some family problems - but she always kept me company. I never felt at home in this world, and I always felt like I was some kind of freak that didn't belong. I was picked on and bullied, and more often than I can count I wanted to just die so I could go away from it all. I cried so often, though no one ever saw, cause I mainly cried when I was alone. And I was alone a lot...

She dried my tears, and comforted me, telling me stories of another world where I truly belonged. I was just temporarily misplaced, but I'd be fine, cause when I was done with the work I needed to do in this world, I could come home again. Her stories kept me going, and her company helped soothe the pain inside me. All those times I felt unwanted and unloved, she stood by me, assuring me that she loved me more than anything, and that she'd always be my friend.

I don't know what I would've done without her.

Time passed, and as I grew older, it became harder and harder to see her, and she slowly seemed to fade into being nothing but a shadow in the corner of my eye. But she was still there. Her stories inspired me, making me draw and write in an attempt to put down on paper how amazing this world she had told me about was, and naturally I tried capturing her on paper. As things evolved, I grew older, and I started having my companions - my characters - she naturally slipped into the role of my oldest and dearest characters. She was no longer just Elizabeth, the invisible friend that kept a scared and lonely child company. She became my companion, in every sense of the word, and an amazing character I'm proud to present to people.

Elizabeth Shadow - Liz for short - the Lunarian, the herbalist, the wielder of dark magic, and the strong and wise leader of the main organisation in my stories - the Order of Crevida.

Artwork by LeftiesRevenge from deviantART

All of my work - which is the very thing that define me - is all inspired by her. She was the one that acted as my muse, and the one that kept cheering me on whenever I sat down to draw or to write. I can't even put into words how much she means to me, and how much she has done for me. She stood by my side through everything, even though I was so deep asleep, and when I finally woke up, she was the first to reach out her hand and drag me up from the depths where I had been chained away.

Whenever I've been lost in darkness, and I've thought that now I'd finally give up, I only needed to think of her and she was there. Sometimes I couldn't reach her, or she couldn't reach me, but she was still there. She never abandoned me - even when everyone else seemed to do so - and she kept reminding me that she had promised to be with me forever. No matter what, she'd always be there.


Facing another period of darkness and rough times have really helped remind me exactly how much she has helped me over the years. These past couple of months have been a lot rougher than I've admitted to anyone, and for a moment I was pretty sure I had lost myself, and that I was close to that edge again where all I wanted was to die. But just when I thought I hit the bottom, I turned around and she was there. She held her arms around me, comforting me like she had done when I was just a little girl, and she promised me that I'd be fine. That this was just another rough patch, and I'd get through it like I had done before. I wasn't done with my work here just yet, so I had to hang on a little longer.

And just like that, I felt at ease again. I don't even know why I worried in the first place. Sure, things are rough, but it'll be fine. I'm feeling confident and sure of myself, and I know it is all thanks to her support. This time, like so many times before, she was there, stopping me from falling over the edge, and I know that she will never let me fall.

I am where I am today, all thanks to her. I am the person I am today, all thanks to her.

I am, and it's all thanks to my shadow - my Elizabeth.

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