Retreat and Regroup

I've been sticking rather nicely to my plan, though not entirely of free will. Last week was a harsh weak, both mentally and physically, and it left me uncapable of moving all that much. Aside from going grocery shopping on Friday, I didn't leave the building even once, and I barely even left the bedroom at all other than to get food or go to the bathroom. I was so exhausted, all I did was sleep and focus on my paperwork, and I had little to no contact with the outside world. My mum called me every other day to check on me, but she's amazingly understanding so she never asked me to come out of hiding. Instead she supported my decision to just stay at home and recharge, and I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate that.

Again, aside from Friday, I went totally dead on the social front. My sister showed up on Friday afternoon with wine and her usual amazing self, and since it's her I did an exception and had her over the entire evening. It was nice to just sit and talk about everything and nothing, before we did some gaming. I like those evenings with my sister, mainly because she understands all too well what it's like to be an introvert - and what it's like to have social anxiety. My anxiety may be gone, but being an introvert is something that can never be changed, and when I need to recharge then I need to retreat. As simple as that.

And retreat was truly what I did last week. I completely retreated from everything and everyone, and it was absolutely amazing. I decided to ignore everything I needed to do and instead just focus on my paperwork - which is always a nice distraction from everything when I'm not doing well - and just relax inbetween things. I definitely needed that week, cause my body has reached the point where it can't take much before breaking down.

Had one of those nice little physical break downs during the weekend, which acted as a horrible reminder of what happens when I don't take care of myself. The stress and everything caught up to me, and that combined with not eating properly - I DID eat, just not as much as usual - was enough to have my stomach react to some of the candy I had on Saturday. Oy, gods, the pain! The pain I felt a while back when my body reacted to a milkshake I was given doesn't even come close to it! Had to pause the game I was playing and head to the bathroom, and there I literally just collapsed on the floor. Everything was spinning - I could hear the ocean, omg! - and then it went black for a while. I don't think I was out long, probably just a couple of seconds, but I ended up just staying on the floor for quite a while before I dared to move and do what I came to the bathroom to do. All in all, I spent an hour in the bathroom - most of that just laying on the floor - before most of the pain went away.

Gad, it was absolutely horrible, and I was so exhausted afterwards that I could barely focus on the game at all. I couldn't even finish my cognac, and had to just put it away and call it quits on the game before crawling into bed. Didn't get much sleep that night, as the pain kept me up most of it, so when I got out of bed on Sunday I felt like absolute and utter crap. I was so exhausted that I could barely move at all that day. Not the best weekend I've ever had, that.


But now I've had an entire week to retreat, so now it's time to regroup. I still need another week of no social contact - sorry, world! - just to regain myself a little bit, but this week will be spent pulling myself and my life together, and get stuff organized. I've got a lot to take care of, so I'm going to use the entire week to do so, to make sure I don't exhaust myself. Most of it is just things around the apartment, cause the place looks like hell. Saying that it looks like a bomb went off just doesn't really cover it, so I'mma go right ahead and say that it looks like a teenage boy has been living here for a month. THAT's how bad it looks. Eesh! So yeah, I gotta take care of it this week, and slowly put it back to order again.

And then there's a lot of other minor things that needs to be taken care of, but I'm confident I'll be able to take care of it all this week if I just take it little by little and actually use the whole week to do so. I'm not going to rush anything, of course, and if I need more than a week to take care of things, then that's what I need and I'll respect that. I'm going to try and listen to my body a bit more, and take more care of it. This weekend was a good lesson for me, and it taught me that I don't pay enough attention to my health - neither physically nor mentally - and so I'm gonna get better at doing so this year.

Yeah, this'll be a good week to regroup, I'm sure of it.


All that aside, I'm pleased with myself so far when it comes to some of my resolutions this year. One of the things I decided on was to become more active on social medias, meaning that I am going to use the art accounts I've got on instagram and twitter more often. Yes, I've got accounts on both things, and yes, you can go follow me - my instagram, and my Twitter - and yes, I'm going to be more active on both this year. Though they are mainly used for my work, I do post personal updates as well (mainly on Twitter, though), just so you know.

How's my work doing? Still staying true to my resolution of focusing more on it, and so far I've gotten further than I ever have before, and this new approach to it that I'm doing now has given me a lot of new info to go on, and I feel very satisfied with that. I'm currently just focusing on making lists of things, but when I am done I will start drawing and writing more again, and hopefully I'll be able to keep this up the entire year.

I also have several other small plans for things I'll be doing this year - some of them regarding my physical health - and these small resolutions are ones I'll try my best to stay true to. If I can just keep going at the pace I am now, I'm confident that I should be strong enough to take on that dungeon boss when the time comes.

It doesn't matter how many times the world - or my mind - knocks me down, cause there is no way on hell that I'll stay down! I'm gonna keep getting up again - and again, and again, and again. I may be tired, but I am regrouping, and soon I'm gonna be fit for fight!

What doesn't kill you, gives you EXP.
And that's how you level up!