A lot of things to say

And to start off all of those things, I just want to apologize for not posting the reading as planned. Something came up in that reading that sparked something, and it caused some issues that needed to be figured out before I finally had to deal with them after figuring them out. But I did figure things out, and I have dealt with what needed to be dealt with, and today I finally sat down and finished interpreting the reading. It will be posted tomorrow - I promise.

And then, I'd like to say the most important thing of all: THANK YOU!

Though my birthday is on the 15th, I celebrated it last weekend - on the 10th - and even though I had some of the most stressful days I've ever had while preparing for it, I ended up having one of the best birthday parties ever. The people were amazing, the love and the support from my loved ones was mindblowing, and the gifts and the attention I got just rendered me speechless. I cannot even put into words how grateful I am for being surrounded by such warm, loving, and caring people that truly wishes nothing but the best for me.

The party was an absolute success - all thanks to the amazing help and support I've recived from those around me - and I was so happy to see that everyone loved the theme and participated in the weird games I had prepared. The enthusiasm everyone showed, and the many words of appreciation I got just brought tears to me eyes, and it warmed my heart like nothing else.

My friends, my family, my loved ones - a big thank you to you all! You've shown me how treasured I am, and how much I am cared for, and it brought a new warmth to my life that I did not even see that I needed. You have made an immense impact on me, and I can't even express how grateful I am for it. So, yet again, thank you to all of you, for absolutely everything. I truly love you all.

Thank you.


Then, on a different matter, I just have some minor things I just want to say. As some of you may have already picked up on, there has been one major change to my life, and that is my relationship status. Yes, I am now single again, and no, I'm not gonna say all that much about it, cause, really, it's between me and her, and it's really none of your business (even though I love you all and all my business is your business), but I am going to just make some things clear.

This was my decision, not hers. It was also the hardest decision I've ever made, and it crushed me to do it, but after three days of flat out arguing with my own mind - to the point where I just wanted to climb up on the nearest roof - it was the conclusion I reached. We were two broken people, taking turns in falling apart, and it wasn't healthy. We were on the verge of dragging eachother down, and I saw it all too clearly, and it broke my heart. It's not good for either of us. She's gorgeous, in so many ways, but she is also broken, and what she needs - and deserves - is someone that can be there for her and give her the attention and the support that is necessary for her to start fixing herself, and I just can't give her that. I'm too exhausted, and barely able to take care of myself - let alone anyone else - so I just do not have the capacity.

I'm still in love with her, yes, and I am so very fond of her, though I am not completely certain of my own feelings in the matter, or what kind of love I feel, and when I'm not certain then I do not feel like it is fair towards her to keep her there. I've been to that place where you're the one giving all of yourself to someone whom doesn't really know for sure if they love you back in that same way, and that someone just kept stringing me along until it completely broke me and made me uncapable of falling in love for years. I do not want to do that to her, cause she doesn't deserve it. What I wish for her now is for her to focus on herself, and her life, and on figuring things out - and I will do the same.

Just like I originally thought, I'm not ready for a relationship just yet. I still don't have the capacity needed for that, and I'd rather focus on finishing my work with myself and on gaining the strength I need before diving into something like that. But I thank her. I thank her for all the things she brought to my life, for the things she taught me about myself and so many other things, and for everything she gave me, because even though this only lasted a couple of months, it felt like years and I'm grateful for that time.

So there.
And that is all I want to say about the matter.

Moving along.

So, I will be 30 in a couple of days, and that is a rather big thing. The second teenage years - or so I've been told. And moving towards a big, round number like that has made me think about a lot of things, and most of those things is about my life and how I'm living it.

There will be a lot of changes this year, to a lot of things, and if I am to judge by the reading that I finished interpreting today, it's gonna be one hell of a year when it comes to finally figuring out where to go and what to do about this life of mine. There will be some major changes to my work - which is also going to be my main priority this year - that might just lead me to a better financial situation, and there will also be some changes made to my home and family situation. I don't know for certain what this year might bring, but whatever lies ahead, I will stand ready for it.


First up, however, is saying good bye to my dearest and most treasured friend, as this next weekend she will be leaving Norway and going back to New Zealand. It's going to be hard, because I'll miss her like hell, and I really do love having her around, but I'm just gonna keep hoping that one day she might just move her so I'll get to permanently have her close to me.
We're going down south in a couple of days, to visit my favourite city - Trondheim - and we're going to spend her remaining time here in Norway in a hotel there while just taking a general vacation from everything. I'm really looking forward to that, in a lot of ways, and hopefully that'll help me recharge a little bit.

A recharge is definitely needed.

When I come back home again, I need to do a little bit of damage control and pull myself together a little bit. My life - and myself - have been falling apart for a while, and I've just been ignoring that these past couple of months. It's time I put on the brakes and actually took some time to get a decent overview of things, and then regain control of my life once more. It's gonna be rough, and I'm guessing that all of February might just be me trying to rebuild the things that fell down while I was ignoring everything. There's a lot to do, but I'm confident that I'll be able to do it, as long as I just keep my focus on myself and don't get too distracted.

I'm moving towards that boss fight again, and by the looks of things it'll be one hell of a fight. The reading do speak of me having to face my darkness - my inner demons and my own fears - at some point this year, so I'm gonna take as much time as I need to gear up for that. Retreat and regroup, right? That was my plan, and I'm gonna stick to that, cause I am going to own that boss fight and emerge victorious from it.

It's time I stopped letting my fears control me. It's time I stopped letting her control me.

There is a lot of things to say about this new year, and how I feel that I am facing it with knowledge and strength I didn't have before now, but I think I'm just going to stop here. I've got an entire year to say all those things, so there's no need for me to use up all my words right at the start.

Come along for this fight through this dungeon of mine, and watch me defeat the boss ahead.
Change is approaching, and I'll be the one causing it.