Israel + BrainThingsInMyHead

Life just made a funny, but I don't know on whose behalf.
Should I be laughing?
I laugh at you, for all the things you're missing out on.
I see you're being swallowed by your mistakes, but you don't even notice.
I'm glad you don't know what you're missing.
Even someone as heartless as you, would cry if you only knew..


Don't even ask. A creature visited me last night and kept me from sleeping, whispering strange things into my ear. I'm not sure she completely left, but whatever.
That aside! Wow. It's been ages since my last update. I do feel kind of ashamed, I do, but only kind of. I've been busy, and life's been hectic. Oh, and I'm in Israel. *w* I've been here for almost two months now! And there's only a little over two weeks left until I go back to Norway. So, I figured this would be a good time to give you all some updates~


First off, Israel!

Wow, what can I say? Israel is amazing! It's warm and sunny and nice, and the people here are really awesome. And I would just like to say that the general image the rest of the world has of this country is completely ridicules. People here aren't evil, or blowing things up, or waging war. That's just media bullshit. Yeah, I see a lot of soldiers and police people walking around with large guns, but it's all to make sure people are safe. All in all, this place is a quiet and nice place. People may be rude towards eachother a lot, cause the Israeli are temperamental creatures, and they yell at eachother and cut in line. But their guests? The people visiting the country - tourists, like me - are treated almost as royal! They're all so kind to me, helping me with anything and everything, and always wanting to know more about me. It's really nice. ^^

And, omg, I've seen so many amazing things. I've been to the ocean down in the south, beside the borders to Jordan and Egypt, and spent a weekend at an amazing hotel. And I've out in the desert in the middle of the night, watching a meteor shower. I've seen Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and many other small places. And, wow, I've met so many amazing people! I have to admit, I'm kind of not looking forward to going home and leaving this amazing place.

Some of my plans for this trip didn't quite go as planned, but that's okay. I've had such an amazing time here that it's all worth it, and I'll never regret taking this trip. And I'll definitely come back here! I'll do my best to enjoy my last couple of weeks, by going to a gaming convention, desert camping, visiting the old city, and whatever else we have time for. It'll be awesome.

I think everyone should take a trip down here and see the wonders of Israel~



Then, there's the BrainThingsInMyHead.

Yeah, I have a lot on my mind again. I'm having an amazing vacation, but that doesn't really spare me the occasional worries and troubles that appear. They come and go, and leave heavy thoughts in the corner of my mind, and a headache.

My life right now is right where I want it to be. I haven't been this healthy in years, and I'm surrounded by amazing friends and loved ones, and I have most things I could wish for. I feel really lucky to be where I am today. But as people keep pointing out, there's still room for improvement. Mainly, I need to cut some chains that bind me, and finally rid my life of certain people that poisons me and my life. Which is anything but easy, but I know they're all right when they tell me I need to do it.

First and foremost, the main problem is my biological father. We've had a bad relationship for as long as I can remember, as he is the main cause for why I've been so sick all my life. He's a difficult man, and he troubles me... My doctor has more or less ordered me to remove him from my life, cause he makes me sick, but I've never had the courage to. Then, soon after I arrived here in Israel, I was told of some bad things he had said about me, and I figured that this was it. I did the most common thing people do these days when they want to "remove" people from their life, and deleted him from my facebook. It's a stupid and meaningless thing to do, yet it made me feel a bit better.
Then he tried to call me a while back. Now, since I can't answer the phone while I'm here, I ignored it, but I was left a wreck the rest of the day. Then I learn from my mum that my grandfather was on his deathbed, so that's why my father tried to call me. I texted him then, telling him I couldn't answer my phone, but that I knew what was going on and that I was sorry. And he replied that he hoped everything was well with me. And, wow, that of all things made me cry. Somehow, it's easier to deal with him when he's being an asshole and I can just shut him out, but when he's being nice and caring, it just breaks my heart to push him away. I'm such a softie...

And now my grandfather is dead. Which was harder to deal with than I thought. It actually made me cry. And I do feel very sorry for my father, cause I know it's hard for him, and I do love him, but I still don't want to deal with him. I'm not sure what to do with it all...

Also, I have someone else on my facebook that I shouldn't have on my friendlist, namely my ex. I don't get any news feeds, cause I've shut off that option, but still... I just have a hard time letting go, I guess. It's not that I want her back in my life again, cause I can't forgive how she treated me and how she hurt me. Not this time. But I've been holding on to the old memories by having her there, cause I still care for her and hope she's doing well.

But I suppose it's time I deleted her as well. Everyone keeps telling me to, cause they tell me she's poison for me. That she's a psychopath that has done nothing but manipulate and use me. I don't completely agree with them, but I'm not blind anymore and I can see that she hasn't been good for me. I gave her everything, and hardly got anything in return. She kept me on the fence, never letting me go while never really letting me close either. And I don't have anything to give her anymore. She emptied me, and I don't want to return to that place again. I'll always love her, that I will not lie about, but I suppose I just need to try and turn my back on her and everything surrounding her, and just forget.

I need to learn not to keep loving those who doesn't deserve my love.

Aaaand, I suppose I should face the parts of my family that I don't want to face as well, and deal with all the crap there. I've been ignoring the parts of my family that hurts me for a long time now, but it's probably time I stopped running and just faced it all. Which is something I'll do when I come back home again.

I guess I have a lot to do when I come back home.



But, in the end, I'm sure it'll all turn out just fine. I've got some pretty awesome guardians taking care of me, and I'm surrounded by amazing friends, and a loving family, so how could it not? And it's important to never forget; whatever happens, happens for a reason. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and it'll happen no matter what. What's not to be, won't ever be, no matter what you do. So, why worry?

Just be yourself, and be happy~