I'm thinking of you

Something I've always known, but rediscovered through my self-therapy, is that I'm a thinker. The amount of thoughts inside my head isn't something that could ever be counted, and whatever comes out my mouth is just a small drop in the ocean of what's going on inside my head. I think a lot.

I don't really tell people, nor do I show it often, but I care. And I love. And I think of you. All the time. The people closest to me, whom I love, are always on my mind, every single day. I think about you, wondering what you're doing, if you're okay, and hoping that all is well. I can honestly say that 90% of my daily thoughts are dedicated to the people I care about, while the remaining 10% is evenly shared by things such as food, sleep, and whichever project I'm currently working on. The number one most important thing in my life is that the people I care about is okay. I live for you, and for no other reason.

I know I don't show it. I know I never call, or text, so that you may know that I care, and I'm sorry. I've got self-esteem issues and anxiety issues, and on the bad days even calling my own mother is hard. I'm always so damned scared, yet I'm not completely sure of what it is I'm afraid of. I'm just scared, and hiding. I always hide. I guess I'm just really hopeless.

But what I want you to know is that you're always on my mind. I'm always thinking about you. Every single thing you say or do affects me, and I always hide here in my own little cave, watching you and listening to everything you say, as long as I can see and hear you. Because I care. Because I love you. And because your happiness and good health is important to me. Because I want your life to be a good one.
I often wish for magical powers, because we all know I'm weird like that, but almost every single time I wish for them it's cause someone close to me is in some kind of pain, and I wish so badly that I could magically make it go away. If I could take that pain you're going through upon myself, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd go through hell and back again, if only it could make you reach heaven. All I ever want, is for you to be happy.

I want you to know that I care. That I love you. That I'm always here for you no matter what, and if you ever need to talk then never hesitate to ask. You can ask anything of me, always, and I'll try my best to deliver. No matter what it is. I may not know the right words to tell you when you're down, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I'm just bad at finding those right words. I'm generally not good at anything at all, but that'll never change the fact that you're important to me and that I'll always do my best for you if you ask me to. I want you to know that I'll always care, and always pray for your happiness. That I'll never turn my back on you.

I want you to know, that I'm thinking of you.
Always.

Mo Okali, Ati Amirai