I really do feel newly started on something. If you haven't read my last journal entry - Death's Anniversary - then I suggest you do so, cause it might help you understand some things I'm talking about in this entry.
I've had so many issues and problems in my life, most of them being identity problems, and it all boiled down to never really knowing who I really was. I always played a role, acting as someone I thought I had to be, and it really controlled my life in ways I weren't even aware of. And now that I've broken free of that, I feel like I've started on something new.
These past couple of years have been busy and hard ones - and, of course, extremely happy ones - where I've focused mainly on just learning to know myself. I suddenly woke up as someone else, and that someone else turned out to be the real me, so I needed a lot of time to figure things out. And that's what I've been doing these past two years. Putting things together in my mind, and learning all about the truth of me. And I really did learn a lot.
But I'm not done. I kind of feel like a newborn, in a way. There's still so much that I need to figure out about myself, so I still need time. Now I know who I truly am, and who I want to keep being, but I still don't truly know what I want and how I feel. So I think that this new year is a year where I need to focus on finding out those things. It's time I thought a little about my future, and what I want from it. I know who I am, but what do I want to do with my life from now on? And what kind of feelings do I have? Am I ready to love someone, for example? Am I even capable of loving someone right now, or do I still need time before I'm capable to do so?
I honestly don't know.
For those who know me, you know I am very into the kind of supernatural things. I believe in a lot of strange things, that I do, and I truly believe that there's a whole lot more to this world than most people are aware of. I dabble with some things myself. I do card readings, and I can sense and, sometimes, manipulate energy, and at times I can perceive things other people can't. I've had these gifts all my life, and I've been told several times that I have a lot of abilities, but I've yet to truly explore them and develop them. That's actually one of my plans for 2014. I want to explore my abilities and become better at using them.
Anyway, I rely a lot of my cards, especially when I'm uncertain, and so far they've always kept me on the right track. My cards never lie, so if I just follow them then they'll never lead me astray. I know that from experience. Every time I've listened to them, they've gotten me where I need to be, and when I haven't listened I've ended up in really bad places. So, I trust them. And since we're nearing a new year, I've been consulting them a bit, to try and figure out what to do.
I've also had a friend of mine do a reading on me, to give me more answers, and it has kind of given me an idea of what to do.
The cards clearly tells me to focus more on my inner world next year. Actually, they tell me to only focus on my inner world, cause everything else will fall into place if I do. Now, what does that mean?
My inner world is first and foremost my most precious project that I've been working on for over 20 years now. It's everything to me. It's my life and soul, my childhood home, and what made me who I am today. It's literally what saved my life several times, and what helped me get rid of my false selves and awake as me. But these past couple of years, I've focused so much on myself, and learning to know that me, that I've kind of put my work on hold. It haven't really been a priority.
And now? Now's the time to change that. This project is such a big and important part of my inner world, and it needs my attention now. It will be my main focus for 2014 to work on it, above all else.
My inner world is also my creativity and artistic skills, which clearly needs more attention. They, as well, have been put on hold these past couple of years. Luckily, they're an important part of my life's project, so focusing on that project will help me focus on my creativity as well. And, I'd like to explore of my artistic skills, and see where that takes me. I want to try painting! And learning how to sew properly, along with a lot of other things. This'll be my secondary focus for 2014.
And, lastly, my inner world also includes my abilities. My skills within card reading and energy, and things like that. The thing is, I've never really focused on these abilities at all. They've always just been there, as a part of my inner world, but never really put to proper use other than in short periods. I've always wanted to explore them a bit more, but never really gotten around to it. So, now's the time to do so. My third and final focus for 2014 will be to explore my abilities and find out more about them and what I can do, and try to develop my skills and become stronger.
So, yeah, if I am to listen to the cards, and follow their advice, my
It's kind of weird, to get readings like that. It's a first, actually, for me, cause in the past they never really gave me good readings. So, yeah, it's strange, and slightly scary, but also very exciting. I'm curious! And when I think about it, I truly feel like following their advice is the right thing to do. It's what I truly want. And, my gut feeling tells me it's right, and I always trust my gut feeling.
2014 will be another selfish year of focusing on myself and learning all about me. My inner world is my main priority, above all else, but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for anything else. Hey, the cards talk about love, and even though I have to be honest and say that love scares the living crap outta me - my experience with it so far has been anything but pleasant - I am slightly intrigued. The truth is that I don't know if I'm ready for it or not. But, in the end, I suppose overthinking it won't get me anywhere anyway. Come what may, as they say. I guess we'll see.
Either way, I know what to do about the new year, and what to focus on, so I'm excited and looking forward to it. 2014 will be an interesting year, and I really believe that it will bring me a lot of good things. I just have to remember to stay true to myself, and keep my focus on the important things. And, yeah, I still have to remember to be a bit selfish, cause I'm not entirely done with that part of my new path.
2013 brought me a lot of valuable experience, and taught me a lot about myself, and I'm so grateful for everything. Thank you, for letting me be a part of life this year. And now, I'm ready for 2014 and whatever it may bring me.
I hope it brings you all good things as well!
Thanks for being my readers so far, and I hope you'll continue following me.
Love you all~
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