Just do it

I've had a really hard week. Not that anything specifically hard or tough has happened. It's just that the weather has been bad, so my body decided to follow up on that and be bad as well. I've been completely knocked out the entire week, all out of energy, and in a lot of pain, but yesterday I just hit my limit. An entire day of constant pain, while baking and wrapping presents and generally trying to function, and I got to a point where I had just had enough.

Went to my grandparents' place to eat a family dinner, and got some beer and some aquavita, and I got tipsy pretty soon. I was just so tired that I had no tolerance. When I got home, I sat and watched some Roswell (haha, funny teenage series from my teenage years), and drank some more beer, and that's when I just hit my limit. I was too damned tired of being out of energy and in pain, and I got pissed off by some comment I got on FB, and I slammed my hand down on the desk.

When you get to that point, you either give up and just crawl to bed and feel sorry for yourself, or you decide to just say fuck it. And I said fuck it. I jumped out of my chair and decided to just go out, get even more drunk, and ignore the pain for the night. And I followed through on that! I made it out, met some friends, and drank some beers. The pain didn't go away, and I was still tired, but I did it anyway. I went out, just because I wanted to, and it was fun. I didn't do much, but I enjoyed it anyway.

On the way home (I decided to walk, for some unknownn reason) I just found this amazingly good mood. It was snowing really heavily, and it was a long walk home with a body in intense pain, but I somehow enjoyed it anyway. The world was beautiful, and it was fun walking through the snow. At some point I started making strange tracks in the snow, in case someone was following me. You know, just jumping around, or walking around in circles, just to make whomever would follow me wonder what the hell. Made some hearts as well, just to let the world know that I'm here and that I care. When I got to areas with lots of tiretracks, I almost panicked, and tried my best to make proper tracks. Just so that imaginary person following me wouldn't lose me. I also made a triforce - cause I would've been a bad nerd if I hadn't - and a smileyface, and as my big finale I made a key. All just by walking around in the snow.

I don't know why, but I felt so happy doing all this.

It wasn't a smart thing to do, cause the pain never went away, and I really should've stayed at home and just relaxed, but it was what I wanted to do. And sometimes you just have to do certain things you want to do. I was frustrated and wanted to go out, so I just picked myself up and went out. It didn't help on my physical condition, but it helped in other ways. I needed it, and it made me feel better.

What I'm saying is that, if you feel like there's something you just have to do, then go ahead and do it. Don't hesitate. Just do it! You might need it more than you were aware of yourself.

Today I'm tired and everything hurts, but I would've felt like this even if I had stayed at home. The difference today is that now I'm hung over as well, and feel like I actually have a good reason to feel tired and in pain. And that difference makes the world for me. And it makes me smile.