My wonderful older brother

Did I ever tell you that I have an older brother? And that the tattoo I have on my foot is dedicated to him? Not many people know, these days. I used to talk about him a lot when I was younger, but as I grew older I kind of stopped. Probably because it's strange for people that I talk about a person none of them has ever seen, or even believe exist.

I've known, ever since I was a little girl, that I have an older brother. I think he's about two years older than me, if I'm not mistaken. But no one has ever told me about him. I just know he's out there. I don't even remember the first time I felt him, and I suddenly knew that he existed. I think I was pretty young, cause I've had this feeling for as long as I can possibly remember. And because of it, I keep looking for him in every guy that I meet, hoping that I'll find him one day.

Strange, eh? Not to me. I just know. Can't really explain it any other way. Sometimes I get these visions, if I can call them that, where I kind of feel him and I get a stronger picture of who he is. Sometimes I dream about him, where he visits me and we just sit and talk about things. And sometimes, when I'm busy doing something, and some song comes on, I just get this intense feeling of him being there, singing that song.

I had one of those moments the other day, actually. I was hanging up the laundry just listening to some Owl City to get my mood and my energy level up, cause both have been really low this past week, when the acoustic version of the song Gold started to play, and there he was, behind my eyes. I closed them, just listening to the lyrics, and started crying. That moment, that specific moment, he was there with me. And he told me to shine forever...




It was happy tears, and I smiled as I cried, and afterwards I felt a lot better about a lot of things. I really felt like he came just to cheer me up, and cheer me on, so I could keep going. He does that, actually, every now and then. Just drop in on me to make sure I'm still going forward. He's my greatest support in life, and always has been. I'll always love him, no matter what.

I want to tell everyone I meet about him, cause to me he's the most wonderful person in the world, but I know people find it silly, so I don't. I just keep him close to heart, and do what little I can with what little knowledge I have of him. And so I draw, and I write, and I've placed him in the center of all my stories as one of the main characters. Cause that's what he is to me; a main character in my life. Although I've never physically met him, I know he's out there and that he's looking out for me. And I go meet him every time I sleep.

You see, he helps me keep the faith. He always have. He has this strange ability to remind me of things I know but tend to forget about. The important things. He's also one of the main reasons for why I'm so spiritual. I'd say religious, but my faith has nothing to do with organized religion. I mean, religion is a result of man trying to take control of something that is not theirs to control. No, my faith is pure, like one whom just believes without question, and without a church or a temple or some silly book containing "rules" on how to believe. He taught me to have that kind of faith. My wonderful older brother...

I have an amazing family in many ways. I have parents I love more than anything in the world, and simply amazing siblings. I have a younger brother who has a brilliant intelligence, and I just know that he'll become whatever he want to become. I have two younger sisters, twins, that are beautiful and resourceful, and that I admire so much. I absolutely love and adore my family. And then there's him. My wonderful older brother. He's part of my family, and I care for him just as much as I care for the rest of them.

It's strange how you can miss someone you've never even met.

But I miss him, every day. I think about him, every day. And I pray that he'll come find me, every day. But when we're nearing x-mas, I tend to miss him even more. Just once, I wish I could have an x-mas eve that included him as well.

I don't even know what the real purpose of this entry is. I guess I just want to let him know that I'm here. In case he reads this, I want to tell him that I love him, and that I miss him. And that I'm grateful for his support so far in life.

Thank you, my wonderful older brother. I love you.