You don't see me

Do you even know who I am? Cause you don't see me. No one does. You all see a mask I've been hidden beneath all my life. You see a character I've played, to satisfy you. You see who she made me be, and who my friends and family made me be. Who they all expected me to be. You see the same old tracks I've been running on all my life, cause you all put down those tracks for me to run on. You see the picture the world has painted for me, telling me to be. You see the words I speak because they are the words you want to hear. You see the emotions I show, because you expect me to show those exact emotions. You see the smile I smile because you want me to. You see the tears I cry because you want me to be hurt by those specific things you set down before me. You see the different roles I play, because you all expect me to play them.

But that isn't me. You don't see me.

Even now, while I'm struggling to dig out the person that I am, and show it to the world, you don't see. You still see that person you've all believed me to be. You still see that person that never even existed. And the one I've been too afraid to show, the one who's really me, stays invisible. You look right passed her. It's almost as if she's not even there. And at times, I get scared that she's just my imagination. That maybe I'm not real after all. Maybe I'm just a mask. And that fear kills me. And drives me back into the role you still expect me to play.

How am I supposed be who I am, when you still fail to see me? And why am I so dependant on you seeing me? Do I need your eyes to see myself? Am I blind? Or am I just too scared?

Cause I do see me. For the first time in years, I can finally see who I am. And now I've started to dig that person out, fighting and struggling to remove the layers of roles stacked on top of her, and I want so badly for you to see her. I need you to see her. I feel so desperate, wishing so intensely for you to see her, that tears stream my face as I clutch my own chest to try and keep my heart from breaking.

You don't see me. And I need so badly to be seen.