Shoot me, please?

Life is chewing on me.
And it doesn't feel good...

This past week has been a hard and difficult one, and for some annoying reason my anxiety has decided to reappear. Been struggling with it for days now, and it's exhausting me. Not to mention that I'm sick on top of everything, and that's pretty draining as well. I feel completely empty at the moment...

My ex had a bit of a setback earlier this week, and she fell back into the state she was in when they submitted her to the clinic a while back. They haven't re-submitted her, so she's staying at home and I'm still staying with her. It's painful, cause it's unusual for me to see her like this. She has always been the stable one of the two of us, so when she falls out of it then it's strange and hard to handle. And I know what it's like, being where she is now, cause I've been there myself, and it makes me even more worried. I know how much pain I was in myself when I was there, so I know she's having a rough time. I wish there was something I could do, but I have no magic wand I can fix things with... All I can do is just pray that she somehow manages to find her way through the labyrinth of her own mind, so she can find her way back to where she's supposed to be in herself. Hopefully, she won't have to go through the hell I had to go through to find her path again.

For now, all I can do is just keep her company and try to do whatever she asks of me.

I just wish I hadn't been sick. And that my anxiety hadn't flared up like this. But I'm guessing it's all cause I'm nervous about next week. Though, it's more like scared shitless than nervous, to be honest... But that's really not surprising. I'll be going away next week, for an important trip, and I'll be going alone. Can't say that the thought of going alone is a thought I like, but I really have no choice, unfortunately. So yeah, I'm scared shitless. And it's messing with my head.

I had so much more I wanted to write, but my head is so fogged up by being sick, and the way too many thoughts in there, so I can't seem to form a single meaningful sentence that I feel should be added to this entry. I'm just about ready to be put to sleep now.

I hate being sick.