Boring title is boring

Ugh, I'm going through one of my really bad periods, and it's taking its toll on me. Last week I could barely move at all, so I canceled all appointments and just spent the week relaxing. I'm better now, but I'm still feeling iffy, and it's really making my mood horrible. It's not that I'm very depressed or angry, or anything like that. I'm just feeling meh, and extremely introverted. Dealing with people makes me frustrated, and sometimes angry, but mostly it just drains me and gets me down.

But I know it'll pass. It's just one of those bad periods I get every now and then, and when it's over it'll all go back to normal again. I just have to take care not to push myself too much when I'm going through these periods, cause I know from experience that it'll just end up making matters worse. I don't know how many years it took me, but I've finally learned that I shouldn't push myself too much, haha!

My social life is iffy again, and I know that it should bother me, but it doesn't. Because I've been feeling bad, and because I have this party-stop while working on my health, and because of the god damned apartment sucking all my energy away, I haven't really been around people much. I've hardly even seen any of my friends lately, nor talked to any of them. But it doesn't really bother me. I still love them, and they're all still my friends. I guess I'm just one of those people that don't have the need for interacting with my friends on a regular basis. As long as they're alright, I'm all good.

To tell you the truth, I don't think I'll ever stop being the introvert that I am. I enjoy spending my days alone, and not really being around people much. I have a lot of people that I know, and call friends, that I stop and talk to if I meet them in town, and that I may go out partying with (when I'm not on a party-stop, that is), but on a daily basis I don't really have anyone to spend time with, and I'm very much okay with that. I kind of prefer it over daily social interactions. I really don't enjoy spending time with people on regular days.
It's only when I'm out drinking or partying that I like being social. Heh, at times I even get overly social when I'm drinking, but I suppose it's just my way of making up for the lack of social interaction I generally have. I kind of miss my partying days, and I hope I can get back to at least some of that when my health starts improving. I may not enjoy being social on most days of the week, but I enjoy having those random saturdays with lots of fun with the people I know and care about.

Right now, I kind of feel like a lot of things are still paused. My life is moving forward, but there are many things not moving along with it. I know it's all because I'm standing in the way of those things, keeping them from moving forward, and I know it's my own attitude causing it. I get like this, when there's something I'm struggling with. I feel like everything has to stop while I'm trying to figure out a solution to the problem I'm having. I'm fully aware of it, but I can't really seem to get myself to do anything about it. I guess it's just my way of wanting to give my full attention to the problem, to make sure it gets fixed.

Needless to say, it's the apartment that's putting a pause on things.

One whole year - actually more than a year - is how long I've been doing these renovations, and I'm still sleeping on the couch cause I can't use my bedroom. And even though I'm using the kitchen, it's still not done, which is what keeps me from finishing things in the bedroom. I haven't even started on the hallway, cause the kitchen and the bedroom is stealing my attention.
It's tiresome. It's draining. And it's always there, in the back of my mind, causing me to put a pause on everything that can be paused. I can't get passed the mental barrier it creates for me, which, in turn, keeps me from moving forward. And right now I've fallen into a very bad circle where it mentally drains me that I can't seem to get anything done in the apartment, and that in turn makes me exhausted and not able to do anything, which then makes me sad, and that drains me, and, yeah... I need to break out of that circle, finish the apartment, and keep moving forward with things. I'm just not quite sure how.

But, this is life in general.

When it comes to my work, things are progressing just fine. My body aching is making drawing difficult, but at least I'm taking lots of notes. I'm generally feeling really positive about my work and how it's going, especially since I'm working on it daily. The only negative thing is that it's really chaotic, this work of mine, and since the apartment isn't done I don't really have any room for organising that chaos, but it's a minor detail. I can live with it, for now.

I'm tired and drained, and don't really feel like dealing with people these days, but my work is keeping me on my feet.