Dungeon fighting

I don't usually brag about my doctors. In fact, quite the opposite; I complain about them. These past years have of trying to deal with the fibromyalgia and getting the diagnose, and getting help for it, have been a downright nightmare. It wasn't until I literally broke down and cried my eyes out in front of the doctor I had a couple of years ago that she finally decided to get off her ass and do something, and I got sent to the hospital where I was diagnosed with the fibromyalgia. But even though I got the diagnose, I still didn't get any of the help I needed. I had to change the doctor's office twice before I finally got some help.

My current doctor's office have been absolutely amazing, and I am so immensely grateful for their help and their amazing service. My actual doctor is away on a leave, so I haven't even met her, and from what I've been told she won't be back until next year, so the doctors I've seen so far have all been temporary substitutes. But despite that, they've all been absolutely amazing. They took my pain serious, showed actual concern for my health - both physical and psychological - and took steps to help me. I got put on a proper medication for the fibromyalgia, and we put together a plan that we're following, and insisted on having me come in every other week just so they could make sure I was doing okay. They've really made me feel like I'm being taken care of.

I had an appointment last week, but that morning I got a call from the doctor I was going to see, saying that the appointment had to be canceled because she was at home with a sick child. Which is totally fair, and I expected her to just give me a new appointment and that was that. But, what she did was that she took the entire appointment over the phone instead, and she asked me about how I was doing and how the medication was working for me, and if there was anything - anything at all - that I felt like I needed to talk about. And then she asked if I wanted to keep coming in every other week, or if I felt like I'd be okay with just coming in once a month instead (which I'm totally okay with), and then she set up a new appointment for me and wrote up a new prescription for meds since I was running out.

When I hung up, I couldn't help but smile. My appointment was canceled, and yet it didn't feel like it at all. I honestly felt like I had the appointment, even though it was over the phone, and I really do feel like I'm being taken care of. And compared to all the doctors I've had so far, in various other doctor's offices, it's just beyond amazing. And I definitely need it.


So, how am I doing?

Well, I'm surviving. I'm pretty good at that, I'd say, all things considered. But I'm really tired, and I'm mentally drained, and it's eating away at my mood. I do get the sleep I need, luckily, so physically I'm doing rather well, and the pain I'm dealing with is very little compared to what I used to deal with. But mentally, I'm completely exhausted now, and it's making me very drowsy and down. It's hard to function properly, which is annoying, cause I really need to keep it together so I can finish all the work on the apartment. I want to be done before winter sets in, so I don't have to deal with working on the apartment on top of the cold and the winter depression that I'll be dealing with. I know myself pretty well, and I know that autumn and the beginning of winter is always the worst part of the year for me. It's a full on fight every year just to make it through it alive.

Right now I'm in a really nasty place, cause it's not really a place at all. I'm between things, in some kind of stand-still, where I'm neither here nor there, and it's frustrating. To be honest, I'd rather just fall apart, cause at least then I can pick myself up again and glue myself back together, and I'll be moving in a direction - any direction. But I'm not moving at all right now. I'm standing still, between two steps, and it's driving me mad. I hate standing still.
 I think most of that is to be blamed on the apartment, cause my work on it have been rather still-standing this entire year, and I've gotten to a point where I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of living in chaos and in boxes, cause that's how I've been living for almost two years now, and I'm at the end of my limits.

So, what am I doing about it all?

Taking it one day at a time. That's really all you can do when you've got fibromyalgia, cause it constantly gets in the way of whatever plans you've made. So, yeah, one day at a time. I try to make an effort daily to get things done, either in the apartment or on my project, so that I'm slowly forcing myself to move forward instead of standing still. It demands a lot of me, both mentally and physically, and I have to be careful not to push myself too hard or I'll just end up crashing completely. But I think it's somewhat working. My bad days and my good days are pretty equal in amount now, which is definitely an improvement, and absolutely something I can live with.

I take it one day at a time, and I try to focus on small things that keeps my mind busy, and that's how I'm slowly moving forward these days. Little by little, I'm gonna conquer this dungeon I'm in, and make it to that final boss. And when I do; I'mma kick its ass and gather a buttload of EXP to help me level up.

I've made it through every other dungeon so far, so I'm sure as hell not gonna let this one take me out.